


Black and White

by ape975



Series: Comfort Zone [2]
Category: Daredevil (TV), Jessica Jones (TV), The Defenders (Marvel TV)
Genre: Action/Adventure, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Private Investigators, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-07-10 09:15:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15946328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ape975/pseuds/ape975
Summary: Jessica and Matt are making it work while Matt returns to his vigilante life. Their team ups with the others cause them to bump into some old friends and confront some old wounds.





	1. Chapter 1

\-------

 

Pacing around the living room, she can’t help but look out the window again. The neon sign blurs her vision initially, but when she focuses her eyes the streets are eerily empty. Turning her hearing to the roof she hears nothing but the pelting of the rain. A loud static interupts her thoughts causing her to jump.

 

“34 Delta 82 reports of shots fired at pier 83 confirmed. 3 civilians down. Will update when-” A shot cuts off the police scanner, causing her heart to stop.

 

“Fuck it” She says before storming up the stairs, throwing open the metal door and slamming it behind her.

 

The rain instantly soaks her, dripping down the neck of her jacket, seeping into her jeans. She takes a running leap off the roof, relying solely on muscle memory to get her to the next building. Her feet hit the concrete hard, four more jumps before she will get to the pier. Stay alive for four more jumps asshole.

 

Coming down to the street with a splash she lands in a crouch. Peeling her hair off her face and tying it into a bun as the base of her skull she surveys the situation. The cops are hidden behind cars riddled with bullet holes. The pier itself is on fire. She can see three bodies sprawled in pools of blood, none of them who she is looking for.

 

“Matt” She says at normal volume into the darkness. If he is actually conscious within four blocks he should hear her. She forces her heart to calm down “Matt, I’m here to back you up so you better not be dead.”

 

She can’t see more than a few feet in front of her. The water whips around her boots, soaking through the soles. Instead of trying to see she takes one from his play book and focuses instead on what she can hear. There’s something coming from a block over, a clanging of metal, and its echoing. From inside a dumpster? That was his MO after all….

 

She takes off at a sprint, splashing around the corner with little grace but her only goal is speed. Suddenly something catches her ankle, dragging her down till she hits the sidewalk with a slam. She feels her jaw crack on the sidewalk, blood starts filling her mouth and dripping from her eye. Spitting the blood from her mouth she whips her head to the side to see a man attempting to point a gun at her. His hand is swollen causing his aim to send a shot about three inches from her skull. She kicks him in the face, hard, relishing in the sound of his cheek bone crunching under her boot. His head falls to the ground, unconscious. 

 

She starts to crawl, pulling herself forward, spitting another mouthful of blood into the water collecting around her. “Matt, I need a little more direction. I’m not fucking psychic.”

 

The harsh clang of metal on metal comes echoing through the aly again but then stops abruptly. Wiping the blood and rain from her face clears her vision enough for her to notice a dumpster, cornered under a fire escape. Pushing herself from the ground as hard as she can she leaps up, falling behind the dumpster. Her vision blurs again for a second, she must have hit her head harder than she thought. Once she clears her vision she sees him, lying in a puddle covered in blood.

 

“Damn you devil boy” She says, standing and reaching for him. He doesn’t reply, causing her heart to sink. In one fluid movement she slings him over her shoulder in a fireman’s carry, crouches to the ground, then leaps straight to the rooftop of the closest building.

 

By the time she gets to his rooftop her vision is blurry and her balance is off. Pushing through the cloud coming over her head she slams the full force of her body into the metal door, nearly tumbling them both down the stairs. Attempting to be gentle she places him on the couch then gets to removing the suit. It clings to his body from the rain water, giving her a hard time peeling it down. She uncovers two stab wounds to the shoulder and one gunshot to the upper thigh, his bad side. He’s going to be down for at least a week from that. Feeling around the shoulder wounds shock him into consciousness again with a gasp.

 

“Jessica, how did you find me?” He says panting

 

“Police scanner you idiot. Sounded like you were in over your head. I came to check.”

 

“I smell blood.” His eyes are open wide, his head turning from side to side

 

“Yeah you have two stab wounds and a gun shot asshole.”

 

“Not mine” He reaches for her face, touching the blood on her cheek. It's already swelling and when he draws a line down to her jaw line she jerks back from pain “You’re hurt.”

 

“Asshole who shot you tripped me, slammed my face into a sidewalk.” 

 

His face darkens, he tries to sit up “Don’t even think about it devil boy, I took care of it. I don’t need you to play knight in shining armor and come to my rescue, that’s my job in this relationship apparently.” She pushes him down hard, a warning.

 

A smile creeps up on his face “So much for an easy first month back” His grin infuriates her while simultaneously causing her heart to swell. Damn him.

 

“How’d you get over run anyway?”

 

“The rain, it threw off my sonar. I didn’t notice the guy with the gun come up behind me. How’s it look?”

 

“The stab wounds aren’t deep, remind me to get Melvin a bottle of whiskey. The gun shot is through and through but very unfortunately placed. I told you you weren’t ready to go back out so soon.”

 

He grimaces “Yeah that legs down for the count again, can you stitch it?”

 

“Hmph. Yeah, won’t be pretty though.”

 

“I trust you. You did fine last week.”

 

She gets up and goes to the cabinet under the sink. Grabbing the medical box he keeps there she turns to find a bottle of whiskey. MaCallans, his favorite.

 

“I’m breaking out the good stuff for this occasion Murdock” She hands him the bottle and he smiles, taking a generous sip before passing it back to her. Downing three gulps she recaps it and preps the suture material. The tiny metal box is well stocked. Her hands root around until she finds a small bottle of rubbing alcohol. She pops the top off one handed and he immediately winces from the smell.

 

“This will sting.” She says as she pours the rubbing alcohol into the gunshot. He winces again but doesn’t flinch “Need more whiskey?”

 

His face is tight in a grimace “No, I’ll use a breathing technique”

 

“Freak” she moves quickly, trying to minimize the amount of pain she has to cause. It’s only her third time stitching him up but each time it gets easier. Skin is tougher than she would have imagined and she has learned to apply more pressure to speed through the repair. Luckily he has one of the highest pain tolerances she has ever seen. Fucking masochist. Within a few minutes the three wounds are stitched up “Shower, now. You were laying in filthy sewer water for god only knows how long, I’m not cutting anything off if you get gangrene.”

 

“I don’t know if I can stand” He looks guilty, but she can only be relieved to hear him actually ask for help. She pulls him up, supporting most of his weight before making slow progress to the shower.

 

She strips down then does the same for him while he sits on the floor propped up by the wall. Her hands glide over his back, around to his stomach. Just making sure she didn’t miss another wound.

 

“Taking advantage of an injured man Jones?”

 

She just rolls her eyes, looking into his. They are surprisingly white, his cheeks as well. He’s shaking slightly, she can hear the slight noise of teeth chattering. Jerking down to grab his hand startles him, but she finds the evidence she’s looking for.

 

“You’re hypothermic, your nails are blue and you’re white as a ghost. Pretty sure you lost a decent amount of blood too. Let’s get you warmed up”

 

He grunts as she lifts him upright again, stepping into the shower quickly. The hot water scalds her but he seems to enjoy it. 

 

“Masochist”

 

He grins “You love it”

 

There’s a significant pause while she mulls that over “This was a close call.”

 

“I’m sorry I scared you.” He reaches up to brush her hair behind her ear. Wrapping her arms around his waist she leans her chin on his good shoulder, breathing in the scent of his hair. He pulls her closer and slowly strokes her hair.

 

“Call me next time. Or Danny. Luke even.”

 

“I got in over my head, it snowballed quick. It won’t happen again.”

 

_ Yes it will. _ She thinks, sighing into his shoulder before pulling back, reaching for the soap. Like everything else in his apartment it was very fancy, smelled way better than anything she could get at her bodega, and was insanely expensive. Lathering a generous amount in her hands she gets to work on his back, messaging the tight muscles as she goes. He groans and grinds his hips into hers. She feels a flush creep up her cheeks, a heat growing deep in her abdomen. As she moves her hands lower his slide up to her breasts, causing her to moan before pulling back reluctantly.

 

“Don’t get frisky with me devil boy. You can’t even stand upright.”

 

“Just one extremity down, not even the most important one…”

 

“Men are lost causes, always thinking with the wrong head.” She says, rolling her eyes

 

“But I’m your lost cause” He says through a smirk while he leans in to kiss her. If she wasn’t sure he was the devil every time he kissed her was a reminder.

 

She breaks off the kiss before she stops thinking with her head as well. Grazing her fingers down his chest she checks his sutures. Still intact, the skin around them growing pinker. His hand in her’s is getting warmer.

 

“You’re warming up, I think you’ll be ok. Want me to call Claire?”

 

“We had an agreement remember? Not relying on those who can’t accept us?”

 

“There’s a difference between having dinner and requiring life saving treatments.”

 

“I’ll be ok, just need some sleep”

 

She studies him with a hard glare. Everything was black and white to him, no room for shades of grey. “Fine, lets finish.”

 

Once they’re both clean she drags him back to his bed to check the sutures once more. She knows she is being overprotective and she doesn’t even try to hide it. Not like she could with him anyway. The stitches have held so far, she’s getting better at stitching and it’s definitely preferable to duct tape.

 

She’s distracted by her work when he does it, quickly reaching up to check her eye, causing her to flinch back violently. His hand stops mid air, frozen, waiting for her to lean back. The adrenaline coursing through her veins is hard to tamper down, it feels like an electrical current shooting through her.

 

“Jess, I’m sorry, just breathe.”

 

She doesn’t respond right away but his voice is like a cool wave washing over her. Breathe in, breathe out. 

 

“I’m ok” She leans back into his still outreached hand. Calloused fingertips graze over her cheek bone down to her jaw, back up to the cut over her eye.

 

“It stopped bleeding, not very deep. Nothing is broken, or at least not broken anymore. Can you heal that fast?”

 

“I have no idea. Not really sure how any of it works.”

 

He nods, leaning back into the bed slowly. She moves around the bed to her side, sliding into the ridiculous sheets before taking up her position in his side. His hands resume their work carding through her hair. Whenever he is distracted or thoughtful his hands have a habit of wandering and exploring her body. His reliance on his sense of touch is slowly desensitizing her, she can even admit when she sees it coming it can be comforting. “So what were you after tonight anyway?”

 

“Remember that father we met, the one with the daughter named Abby that tried to hire you?”

 

Her heart flipped “The one Trish went after?”

 

“Yeah, I was hunting down a sex trafficking shipment. I heard something about a girl named Abby so I was curious. I found someone else out there trying to take on these guys other than me and the cops. I am guessing it was Trish.”

 

She mulls that over while she feels him pull her tighter into his chest. Her best friend was out there at night with no back up fighting off men that nearly killed DareDevil. A mix of fear, anger, and resentment swirl through her mind. What was Trish thinking? Why was she being so reckless? Was she even ok?

 

“I heard her take off. I am pretty sure she wasn’t hurt, I couldn’t pick up on anything concerning. I don’t think you have to worry.”

 

“I’m not worried.” She snaps back, quicker than she intended “Sorry. It’s just…”

 

“I know.” She feels his lips brush against her hair and wash a wave of calm over her. He understands what she means even when she can’t say it.

 

He shifts to turn on an introduction to meditation audiobook before they slip into silence. He’s been trying to teach her for weeks how to meditate but she can never seem to find the quiet he describes to her. There’s always something that comes at her in the silence, but she tries, because it is important in his life. Trish would be so proud of this new level of growth.

 

It does help her sleep better though. Progress.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starts off with a pretty vivid flashback, might want to skip this chapter if that's too much.

\------

  
  


_ The hallway gets narrower and narrower, as if the few feet standing between her and the hotel room keep lengthening. The strobe lights play tricks on her eyes, everytime they flash he pops up beside her. Her heart is beating out of her chest but she forces her body to move in slow, calculated motions forward. The alarms blare but she can only hear the same words repeating in her mind over and over. The only thing that propel her feet forward are those words. _

 

_ ‘You are far better equipped to deal with that animal than some innocent girl from Omaha’ _

 

She gasps awake, opening her eyes as wide as she can. She feels like her whole body is trying to float out of the room, spiraling away from reality and back into that hotel. Everytime her eyes close that hallway flashes through her vision field. No matter how hard she gasps she cannot get enough air into her lungs. Her heart is pounding against her rib cage. Her hands are numb and trembling. There’s nothing to hold her onto the bed so she keeps floating farther and farther away. Her eyes grow heavy, until they fall closed and she sinks into that hallway entirely.

 

“Hey, listen to my voice. Jess, nod if you can hear me.” The words sound far away, almost an echo. She doesn’t believe it at first, but the more they repeat the stronger they sound. It takes her a second but she does remember how to nod. She feels a light sensation, his hand at the small of her back, his way of asking permission. She hesitates, every nerve in her body focuses on the contact, trying to decipher who the hand belongs to.  _ Its Matt. It’s not him. It’s just Matt. You need to let him help. Let him know he can help.  _ When the hand does not move she leans into the contact and he scoops her up into his arms, gathering her into his chest “Jess focus on me. Feel my chest. Try to make your chest move with mine.”

 

She buries her face into his chest while trying to process what he is saying. The strobe lights flash behind her eyelids, all she can hear now are the fire alarms, so she focuses on what she can feel like he says. Her chest moves five times for every inhale he takes but she focuses on him. His skin is cool against her’s. The stubble from his face scratches at her forehead. His heart is strong and steady against her. His throat rumbles on her hair, he is talking again but she cannot hear him. With everything she has she wills herself to focus on his voice. _ Listen to him. He is trying to help. Listen to him. Block it all out and listen to him. _

 

“ _ Main Street. Birch Street. Cobalt Lane. Higgins Drive.” _

 

She can feel her body come back down. He grounds her back to the bed with the words. The hallway is replaced by street signs in her mind. She pictures her childhood streets until she can open her eyes again. His face is the first thing she sees, directed downward, a look of worry evident in his eyes.

 

“You sound better. Feel better?”

 

“Yeah, I’m sorry.”

 

“Stop apologizing. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry I worried you last night, that probably did not help matters.” He kisses her forehead then nuzzles his face to her hair

 

She shakes her head but he shushes her, she can’t seem to find her voice again to argue. Her body shakes with the after effects while he pulls her closer to his chest, circling her in a tight hug. His hand rubs against her back while she slowly gathers herself, trying to force her vocal cords to work again. Her heart is still beating out of her chest. Her hands are still numb and vibrating.

 

Several minutes pass before she can speak “Did I wake you?” It’s a silly question that comes out raspy, of course he heard her, but she knows just talking to him helps the aftershocks dissipate. 

 

He hums “You were… talking in your sleep. Something about being better equipped?”

 

She cringes, wishing that he never had to hear that “Just something Trish said once.”

 

He stops after she says that, she can tell he picked up something that stopped him from further interrogation. He waits while her body is wrecked with a fit of shaky, gasping breaths again. When her body finally starts coming down to simply trembling he speaks again.

 

“Something Trish said brought on a nightmare so bad you woke up in a full blown flashback?” His voice is soft but she feels his skin burn hot with anger beneath her. It’s like she can feel him ramping up; his muscles tense beneath her, his hands clench tightly against her back, and his heart rate spikes just enough to alarm her.

 

She pulls back to look at his face “I told you about Hope?” He nods “She said that to convince me to save Hope from Killgrave at the hotel. I was dreaming I was walking down that hallway again. Trish’s words were the only thing that kept me walking into that hotel room.”

 

“The room where-”

 

“Yeah.” She says it with a firmness that shuts down that line of questioning. She turns again and watches as his face softens, he somehow knows exactly how far to push her out of her comfort zone before letting up.

 

After a beat he nods, pushing her hair out of her eyes “It didn’t have to be you.”

 

“Better me than someone else.” She brushes his words off while rolling out of his grasp and shifting to sit next to him propped against the headboard, letting her body mirror his. Her head leans back and she closes her eyes letting out an exasperated breath. Her heart rate is lower now, the feeling is coming back slowly in her hands. His hand pats around searching for hers until she grabs and latches onto his. He gives a gentle squeeze while facing forward. He doesn’t bother directing his face toward her anymore when they talk; he knows she doesn’t expect him to fake anything for her. Or maybe he has just picked up on how much easier it is for her to talk to someone who is not facing her head on. Somehow this thing they have works.

 

“Jess, you are not expendable. Trish couldn’t see what saving other people did to you. It doesn’t always have to be you sacrificing for others, sometimes it’s enough just to save yourself.”

 

“Doesn’t have to be you either.” She stares him down, deflecting attention off herself while bringing up a conversation they needed to have. He withers a bit under her glare, she wonders if it comes across as stern in his mind as she intends. Leaning toward her he kisses her gently, his own way of deflecting. 

 

“C’mon, lets get some coffee.” He says before wincing his way out of the bed.

 

She checks the clock as he limps to the kitchen. It’s early for them to be up, only 11am. Her job requires a lot of late night work and his… extracurricular activities do as well. Being their own bosses allows them the flexibility they need to keep it all together.

 

And somehow, recently any way, they do keep it together. She works on cases as they come while he works on fixing up Hell’s Kitchen from the darkness. He is alarmingly good at talking her down when the stress becomes too much, even if he was 90% of her stress. She was good at keeping him in one piece after a tough night out. The walking human disasters have found a way to keep their lives in place, together. 

 

“Want some eggs?”

 

“Sure” She says as she takes a seat at the counter. He starts dicing peppers while she busys her hands with his braille label maker. The nervous energy flowing through her body rushes into her palms. She runs her hands over the raised dots, focusing on keeping them steady. Episodes like this don’t last nearly as long as they used to, not facing them alone makes them so much more manageable. 

 

“You ok over there?” He was way too observant, over the past several weeks he had picked up on every tick she had. 

 

“Fine”

 

“What cheese do you want?” He shoots a grin her way

 

“You’re cooking, I’ll take whatever the chef decides.”

 

She loves watching him in the kitchen. He moves so fluently when he isn’t playing blind. It’s interesting watching someone who does not need to see navigate the world. He flips the eggs with his back turned while simultaneously stirring another bowl. Everything he cooks is done by scent and taste. None of the seasonings or vegetables are measured, yet they taste better than any recipe she could stumble through. Within a matter of minutes they both have a plate full of eggs. She would never admit it to him, but his cooking has given her a new appreciation for this ‘real food’ stuff he keeps teasing her about.

 

He pulls out that fancy french press he is so fond while she reaches for the bottle of whiskey he keeps for her, taking a long pull from it. His place has become so familiar to her now it is practically their’s. The smell of his expensive coffee beans draws her into alertness. 

 

“Snob, my Mr. Coffee not good enough for you?”

 

He actually grimaces at the mention “C’mon, stop being stubborn and just try it. I promise you’ll never go back to that garbage once you do.”

 

“Oh, and when I don’t have you to operate this fancy thing what will I do?”

 

“Never going to be a problem.” He replies with a big smile that is cut short when he leans too much weight on his bad leg, nearly crumpling to the ground in pain.

 

He’s lucky she’s fast, jumping into action and catching him before he hits the floor. She drags him back to the bed- coffee can wait. He sprawls out on his back with a moan while she crawls back into her favorite place in his side. Her eyes take in the room while she works up how to dive into this lecture he clearly needs. Even in the light of day the colors from the billboard slip in and distort the deep wooden walls. The bareness of his apartment suddenly becomes apparent to her, not much need for wall decor he can’t see she assumes. She breathes in deep, the smell of him calms her making the words come easier.

 

“It will be a problem if you don’t come home one night.” She can’t meet his eyes when she says it, but her voice keeps steady.

 

“I miscalculated, it won’t happen again.” His hand weaves through her hair absently while his other massages the stiff muscles near his hip.

 

She slides her hand down replacing his to work at his muscles. They are alarming tense, she starts a slow circular motion on his outer thigh. He lets out a low moan when she hits the right spot which tells her to focus her efforts there to loosen his joints. She feels him slowly relax under her fingertips. “I’m throwing your words back to you. You are not expendable either. Your lack of self worth is dangerous.” 

 

“And what about your self loathing?” he retorts, the words have a sharp bite to them.

 

“We’re talking about you Matt.” She focuses on keeping her voice smooth, experience had taught her he gets defensive if she sounds accusatory. Snapping back at him will get he nowhere. 

 

“Who else will do it?” He replies after a minute in a smaller voice.

 

“I will help, you know you just have to call me.” 

 

“Jess I can’t do that to you. If you want to come you’re more than welcome but I am not going to force you like Trish did. I know what that does to you and I won’t put you through it. Look what I did to you this morning.” The guilt is thick in his voice

 

“Hey. You do not take blame for that. I have told you before it is not your fault, it would happen regardless. You just being here makes it better. I don’t want to go back to being alone Matt, don’t force me to.”

 

He lets out a breath into her hair “This won’t happen again.”

 

She sighs, moving her hand from his hip to a scar on his clavicle. She traces it lightly, busying her hands again “But it will happen again. If you do not start going out with backup or at least asking for help it is going to happen again. I am not always going to get lucky and find you either. You know you can trust Luke and Danny. Please, if you won’t ask me ask them. If you die out there no one at all will help those people in trouble. To Hell’s Kitchen you are not expendable, they cannot afford to lose you. I cannot lose you.” She hates the way her voice sounds, so small.

 

He is silent for a long beat. “I will. Promise.” He kisses her forehead then relaxes into the mattress. Her fingers continue to glide across the scars that litter his body, as if reading a story written in braille dictating his past. While she explores his free hand moves cautiously to her face, pausing before making contact. She closes her eyes to signal her permission and his fingers graze gently to examine her facial structure. The sparks that fly from the contact make her whole body feel warm. The warmth spreads as his other hand scrapes at her scalp, eliciting the familiar tingle deep in her abdomen. 

 

“You’re beautiful.”

 

“The highest of compliments from the blind guy.” Before he can speak again she catches his lips in her own, sucking gently on his lower lip. His tongue traces her upper lip before slipping into her mouth when a loud ringing causes them both to jump.

 

“Fuck, we were just getting to the good part.” She curses as she reaches for her phone. She finds an alert that Danny texted her and reads it outloud for Matt’s benefit.

 

_ DareDevil ended up on the news last night. Trish Walker is giving a report that he teamed up with an unidentified blonde woman to attempt to assist police in apprehending sex traffickers. Check out NY1. Let Matt know he better be ready to be back from the dead. _

 

They both sit in silence and digest what that means. It means his friends are going to know he is not actually dead. It means they will probably be pissed he didn’t tell them. It means that Trish is probably fighting crime by night and reporting on it during the day. It means the stress of all of it might be the end of the good thing they have going here.

 

Matt breaks her tense, thoughtful silence “Danny is a good friend.” When she doesn’t reply he continues “It doesn’t matter you know, we have each other.”

 

“You are so lame.” She says before getting back to work on his lower lip, nipping the spot that always makes him gasp before climbing on top of him.

 

They don’t leave the bed the rest of the day.

 

\------


	3. Chapter 3

Surveying the city from the shadows brings him to a calm place. He focuses on the vibrations under his feet. Listens to the hum of electricity, cars, people. The smell unique to Hell’s Kitchen wafts up over him. As soon as he puts on the suit all the noise in his head quiets. This is right. This is what he is supposed to be doing. Everything before was just a distraction. Being a lawyer. Living a so called normal life. This is really living.

 

“Hey, what’s the goal tonight?” Danny says, coming up behind him 

 

He cocks his head to the side, the smell tea overwhelms the smell that he usually associates with Danny. Danny hands him a cup from their favorite coffee shop in Chinatown. He nods his thanks then shrugs “I didn’t really make a plan, I figured we could just keep an ear out for trouble.”

 

A smile lights up Danny’s face, he was so expressive it was always easy to read. “I like this plan” They sip their tea in silence for a beat before Danny starts to get jittery from the lack of action “So how is Jessica? The whole co-inhabiting thing working out?”

 

He leans forward “Living together is definitely interesting. Being accountable to someone other than myself is an adjustment. Thanks for coming out tonight by the way.”

 

“Not a problem. Colleen doesn’t particularly love me going out alone either so this mutual agreement will hopefully keep both the women in our lives happy.” He grins even wider “I don’t think I could give this up.”

 

“I know I can’t. I’ve tried before and it has never stuck. But Jessica did make a good point that I don’t have to be reckless about it.” A shrill scream interrupts their conversation, they both straighten. He expands his sonar out several blocks to feel a woman with an elevated heart rate “Its a woman, two blocks to our 6 o’clock. She’s surrounded by six muggers.”

 

“Only six? Piece of cake.” Danny says with a darkness in his voice. He starts bouncing on the balls of his feet, his tick to get his body ready for a fight. Instead of externalizing Matt looks inward for the devil to be released. A ball of fury is building in his chest. He concentrates on flowing it into his clenched fists. They leap off the roof together down to the sidewalk, taking off at a run to the alley.

 

As he rounds the alley he takes a running leap into the first masked mugger, his fist landing straight into his jaw. The crack and crunch of bone steadies the fury inside him. The rush of power is like a high he can’t stop riding.

  
  


\-----

 

Jessica is tracking down yet another cheating husband in one of her least favorite places in the city; Times Square. She is sitting on top of one of the theatre buildings, she can’t even tell which one anymore. The lights from below blind her, the noise is deafening. Honking cars, screaming children, babbling tourists. Raising above all the light and noise is the ever present smell of filth, fucking tourists are the worst house guests. They feel like it’s normal to throw disgusting, rotting food all over the streets just because they don’t live in the city. She feels a migraine creeping up on her, it’s a good thing she charged this lady extra.

 

The whiskey in her bag is tempting her but she knows that won’t help her headache. She continues searching through her camera lens for the man in question. A picture of Horace and his paid escorts is all she needs, she already tracked down the payments made to the escort service. That is more than enough to file for a nasty divorce. 

 

The guy is an extra scumbag, in his 60s with two supposedly legal teenage escorts sitting on his lap in public. He probably assumed he could blend in and become just another face in the crowd. Not when she’s around.

 

Suddenly she is hit with ba wave of recognition. One of the girls is familiar. She digs through her bag, rooting around for an old file. The manila folder is beat up from bouncing around in her bag the last several weeks but it still holds the pictures she needs. Comparing the photo to the girl in front of her proves her hunch correct. Matt did find the sex trafficking group that had her previous client’s daughter Abby, and she was sitting right in front of her.

 

Her mind starts to spin, how to get her out of this creep’s grasp without attracting unnecessary attention. She starts to clammer down the billboard when she hears a scream. Whipping her head around she sees Abby being dragged off by a man in a suit. She leaps down from the billboard landing on the sidewalk. Pushing her way through the crowd a flash of blonde hair runs in front of her.

 

“ABBY! I am coming!” Trish yells as she darts athletically around the crowds of people. Jessica comes to a halt in front of her client’s husband. She grabs Horace’s wrist before he can get away while Trish darts to grab the girl. A van pulls up and the men in suits drag both girls into it. Horace swings around and slams the car door into Jessica’s head. Woozey from the blow she stumbles back, letting Horace slip out of her grip. Her heel catches on the curb causing her body to slam into the street.

 

“DAMN IT.” Trish yells behind her as the sound of a car pulling away drowns out her voice.

 

Sliding up onto her elbows her vision blurs as blood drips into her eyes. Her head is throbbing. She feels someone grab her shoulder. Immediately she pulls back with a violence, the familiar surge of adrenaline shooting through her veins. So all her time spent with Matt might not have totally desensitized her to touch.

 

Trish is standing over her with arms crossed, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot.

 

“I lost them.”

 

“Clearly.”

 

“I have been tracking them for weeks! Everytime it ends like this. Fuck.” Her voice is tight in a way Jessica recognizes as her barely containing her rage.

 

“Well better than the alternative version of Trish Walker Hero where everyone dies.” Trish gives her a pointed look as she pulls herself back up to standing.

 

“Jess you know I was just-”

 

“Save your breath I’m not going to listen to your bullshit excuses again.” She steadies herself as her vision field wavers, a blackness threatening to consume her. Trish starts forward but Jessica flinches away, she can’t have Trish seeing her this vulnerable. 

 

“Jess you shouldn’t be alone you have a head injury, you definitely have a concussion.” 

 

“I am not alone.” She snaps back. Once she fights back the blackness she turns on her heel and walks out of Times Square, leaving Trish standing on the street.

 

\-----

 

She walks slowly back to their apartment, taking in the cool breeze and fresh air. Steadily her migraine intensifies, the lights from the billboards and blow to the head did not help her cause. A quick check of her phone she notices its past 3am, the case took much longer than anticipated once Trish got involved. No missed alerts though, Murdock had better be turned in for the night.

 

Before getting to the apartment she makes sure to do a quick clean up. Her hair is matted with blood, she probably can’t hide the smell from him but she can at least mask it so it doesn’t overwhelm him. She gently dabs the sticky fluid away from her eyes and nose. A half full water bottle will work on her hair, she pours it over her head and watches the water run down her arms now tainted pink. The taste of copper floods her mouth as it trickles down. That’ll work.

 

The apartment is empty when she strolls in. “Fucking asshole.” She mutters as she flops on the couch and turns on the police scanner. She reaches under the couch for the medical kit, might as well be prepared. It’s his first night back out since she had to rescue him at the pier, she can only hope he took her advice and asked for help. Her eyes grow heavier and heavier as the billboard flashes across the street. She feels herself slipping in and out of sleep before she hears the door slam, jolting her back to awareness.

 

Matt walks in dawning full DareDevil gear. He slips the helmet off before crossing the living room to the couch, kneeling beside her.

 

“I told you not to wait up.” Now that he is closer she can see he has a black eye, she lets her hand move up to check the socket. He flinches back initially before allowing her examination.

 

“Yeah, and who would put you back together if I fell asleep.” She leans forward into a sitting position to grab an alcohol swab and reaches up to clean a cut above his eyebrow. He grimaces at the smell and pain, the sight causes her heart to do a little flip. A surge of anger overpowers the affection, a need to protect him.

 

He winces again as he starts stripping down his suit and she sees his torso is once again littered with an intricate pattern of bruising. The anger burns into fury inside her chest, a desire to crack the jaws of whoever caused him pain. She stands up to get a better look at him.

 

“Hey, I went out with Danny tonight Jess. You don’t have to worry.”

 

Fuck, he always knew what she was feeling “And you still come home looking like that? I might’ve been wrong suggesting Danny as a partner.” 

 

He smirks that smile that causes her heart to stop. Fuck him. “What, you feeling protective over me Jones?”

 

She scoffs “Guess I should just be happy you had back up tonight.” He strides forward and places his hands on her hips, bracing her for a soft kiss. She encircles his body in a tight hug, eliciting a huff from him. The fury ebbs and wanes into affection once he is in her arms. What has he done to her? “Thank you for asking for help.”

 

“I keep my promises Jess. I won’t let my recklessness get out of control and hurt you, I promise.” He leans his head on her shoulder, breathing in her scent “Were you in Times Square?”

 

“Yeah, cheating husband likes to flaunt his maybe legal aged escorts in public.”

 

“You hate Times Square…. And now you smell like it” She feels his face tighten up in another grimace.

 

“And you’re any better? You smell like blood and sweat. Let’s go shower devil boy.” She feels him perk up at that.

 

While she strips down she turns on the light to keep an eye on his bruising. He doesn’t seem bothered by pain, but what could she tell from a man that was crushed by a building and called it manageable. 

 

“Jessica I am fine, I am sure it looks worse than it feels. You don’t have to worry.” He cocks his head “Wait you smell like blood too, what happened?”

 

She rolls her eyes “Had a rough client. Turns out he was paying for underage escorts. That girl we tried to track down- Abby- she was one of them. Trish came out of nowhere. Got my head slammed on a car door.”

 

His face darkens while his head cocks in the opposite direction “Did you get them?”

 

“No.” Her head drops, hair falling in front of her face. He pads over to her and gently weaves his fingers through her hair. She closes her eyes while he investigates.

 

“You have a nasty bump, it has to hurt.” He whispers while caressing her ear lobes

 

“I’ll manage” She says bringing a smile to his face. He reaches behind her to switch off the lights.

 

“Here, that’ll help. The rest of the lights are off right?”

 

She leans forward into him, his arms snake around her waist. “Mhmm. Helps with the throbbing. Can’t see shit though. Probably going to trip and get a second concussion.” 

 

He laughs softly against her “Let me.” He pulls back, sliding his hands down to clasp her’s. He starts walking backward while pulling her gently with him.

 

“Not fair, you have the advantage here.” She follows him anyway, trusting him to guide her.

 

The sound of him turning the water on orients her a little to her current place in the bathroom. It is pitch black, she can’t see a thing. Steam starts to flow into her face relaxing a tension she didn’t realize she was carrying. The throbbing in her head starts to ease though, he was right about the lights.

 

“Step over the shower ledge.” He tugs gently on her hand while she visualizes the bathroom in her mind. Her foot touches the ledge before carefully stepping over it onto the slippery tile floor. She feels her foot slide forward, then feels herself falling backward. His hands are there before she falls to pull her body flush with his.

 

“I don’t know how you live this way. It is way too much work.”

 

He chuckles against her bare shoulder, the sensation causing her whole body to shudder “There’s other ways to see Jess. Open up your other senses. Describe to me what you can hear.”

 

“The sound of water hitting the tiles. I can hear you breathing. I’m sure you can hear more.”

 

“Oh I can, and so can you if you concentrate on letting it in. Direct your hearing up above your head, can you hear that?”

 

She concentrates hard on his instruction. There’s a strange rattling noise “Is that the pipes?”

 

“Yep, they have burst in the apartment above our’s many times. They always sound like that before it happens.”

 

She pauses to think his words over “Our apartment?”

 

He smiles while kissing the base of her neck, causing her breath to hitch. “What do you feel Jess?” He whispers against her skin, eliciting a warmth to spread out from the point of contact

 

“Your lips on my skin, tickling the hairs on my neck. They’re rough from your habit of worrying them between your teeth. Your hands on my hips are calloused. Your thumbs are moving in a circular motion in a maddeningly slow way, causing goosebumps to spread up my back. What do you feel devil boy?” She puts an extra tone of flirtation on her question, leaning in close to his ear. She feels him swallow hard against her skin.

 

“I feel your hands against my spine. They’re soft and small. About a degree colder than the rest of your body. I can feel the raised lines and depressions that make up your fingerprints. I can feel your breath against my neck, it sends sparks flying down my body. I can feel your goosebumps when you press your flesh against mine.” He leans in to kiss her deeply “I can feel your taste buds, when you drag them across my skin in that gentle way you do all my brain can do is register the pleasure from that soft touch.”

 

“I had no idea you could interpret so much in the moment.” She gently grinds her hips against his causing a moan to build deep in his chest. If he can feel pleasure that vividly she can’t imagine how much worse pain must feel for him than a normal person. A knot ties in her stomach from hurt for him.

 

“Try it. You can feel some of it too.”

 

His mouth goes up to her ear, nibbling on the lobe. She focuses on the sensation “I can feel your taste buds, the friction is-” he drags his tongue down her jaw line causing her brain to go white hot with pleasure. If she can feel this with such detail what if she…

 

Swinging him around against the wall she grabs his wrists to hold him still so she can experiment. The water beats down on her back, trickling off onto him. She feels around until she finds his clavicle. Gently she breathes out onto his skin. She feels him harden against her pelvis. So she was on the right track. Good.

 

Slowly she brushes her lips against his skin and he responds with a full body shudder. The tip of her tongue darts out, barely touching his skin. He throws his head back with a moan that makes her own body tingle. This experiment was proving worthwhile. She works her way down his torso as slowly as she can, loving the way she can turn him into a trembling mess of pleasure. 

 

“Jess” His voice is pleading now, his breathing coming out in small pants.

 

Her mouth travels back up to catch his lips in her’s. When he moans against her the vibrations travel through her whole body, pooling deep in her abdomen. He lifts her up onto his hips while she trails the tips of her fingers against him. His dick twitches with delight at the gentle sensation before she lowers herself onto him as slowly as she can manage in an attempt not to overstimulate him. She has started to realize if his nerves were this sensitive the moment could easily overwhelm him. He bites into her shoulder bringing about her own moan of pleasure. Creating a rhythm she moves against him focusing her mind on what she can feel of his flesh against her own. The friction builds slowly but more intensely than she is used to. Once he as adjusted he speeds up, signaling her to use as much force as she pleases. After one particularly hard thrust all she can see are colors flashing across her mind, she feels him finish against her as she comes down from her own high.

 

He slides them both to the floor of the shower, letting her straddle his lap “That was…” He starts but can’t seem to catch his breath to finish the thought

 

“Yeah. That sex was worth the migraine.”

 

He chuckles then catches her lips again.

  
  


\------


	4. Chapter 4

 

Crouched on a fire escape he is on his mission early this morning. The seasons had changed drastically overnight, the brisk snap of fall chill coming at him like a whip. He was dressed in grey joggers and a zip up hoodie which has done nothing to keep the chill out of his bones. He focuses his hearing in on the table at the diner. Their table. He picks up on the familiar scent of them, their two heartbeats pumping steadily. 

 

“Have you seen Trish’s new show?”

 

“Yeah. She has a new favorite topic on an… old friend of ours.”

 

He feels a stab in his chest, recognizing the familiar quiver of betrayal in Foggy’s voice. He cocks his head at a slight angle to pick up the rest of it.

 

“I can’t believe he didn’t come to us. Foggy what do we do? Should we try to contact him?”

 

“Hell no Karen. We spent this long learning to live without him. If he doesn’t want us in his life why should we want him in our’s?”

 

“Foggy-”

 

“No Karen! I am sick of the lies. He has lied to me so many times. I can’t take it anymore. I was constantly wondering if he was telling the truth. I spent half my night terrified he lied, went out, and was lying in a street dead somewhere.”

 

“Foggy he was trying to help people. You know that. He’s just the type of guy that can’t not help someone. Hell he was blinded as a boy trying to save an old man. He doesn’t just give up on people.”

 

“Ok Karen but he gave up on us! He comes back from the dead after months of mourning and he doesn’t even bother to tell the only two people who would give a crap? I’m fucking done.”

 

“Foggy it couldn’t have been easy. I’ve seen how devastated Trish is about what went down with her and Jessica. Family is messy and we’re his family.”

 

His heart clenches. Karen called him family.

 

“Matt has no family. He pushed everyone away and I can’t do it anymore.”

 

He hears Foggy slam his coffee mug on the table. They both go silent. Karen giving off her familiar intensity, the one he knows means she is not backing down. Foggy is trembling with rage, hurt, and his own determination.

 

“On a happier note how’s the reporting going?”

 

He senses them both relax as they slip into small talk. He tries to stop it but the tears flow down his face uncontrollably, his body is wrecked with gasping sobs. What was he supposed to do? How could he have caused them so much pain? How was he supposed to fix this? His body rocks back and forth, an attempt to soothe the aching hole in his heart but the attempt is futile.

 

The screeching of chair legs against laminate flinches him out of it. They’ll be leaving out the front entrance, he will have to be quiet if he wants to go unnoticed. He takes in a deep shaky breath, letting the cold air burn his throat all the way deep into his chest. Holding it tightly in his lungs and ignoring his body’s grumbling he senses them beneath him. They hug tightly before breaking apart to go their separate ways. Karen stalks off with a swagger he does not recognize, a renewed determination that makes his heart sink. Please don’t do anything reckless Karen. He waits a beat before letting the burning sobs overtake him again.

 

A vibration in his pocket snaps him out of it finally. His knuckles rub the tears roughly away from his eyes. He holds his breath again, steadying himself to pick up the phone.

 

“Hello.”

 

“It’s 6am and you’re not in bed. I was just checking that you’re alive devil boy.”

 

He feels a small smile creep over his face “Uh yeah just taking a quick walk.”

 

“At 6am when we went to sleep at 4am?” He takes in a shuddering breath. She could always pick up on his bullshit “Matt are you ok? You don’t sound ok.”

 

“I’m fine. I’ll be home in 10. Uh Jess?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I love you.”

 

“Oh it’s that bad?”

 

He smiles again and snaps the phone shut before leaping off the fire escape. His feet drag along the sidewalk as he wanders back to their apartment. The swell of guilt is throbbing now. How could he have hurt them so much? What has he done? He shoves the guilt down deep. He can’t do this now. 

 

When he walks in the door he senses Jessica coming down the hall. She is wearing a henley and one of his pairs of sweatpants, her heart rate is still lazy with sleep. She had a habit of stealing his clothes, which he whined endlessly about while hiding how charming he found it deep down. When he wasn’t doing laundry every three days that is. She stops short of him, pulling her sleep mussed hair out from around her face. He cocks his head to the side taking in her suddenly bounding heart rate.

 

“Jesus devil boy you look like shit. You clearly aren’t fine. Spill.”

 

“I’m fine, go back to bed. You have a concussion.” He knew deflection wouldn’t stop her but old habits die hard.

 

“And you barely slept.” She grabs a bottle of whiskey by the neck to take a sip. Passing it to him he takes a more generous sip while she takes his hand and drags him to the couch with more care than she would normally take. Her legs swing up on his table while she slouches into the soft cushions. He moves to mimic her stance while she takes his hand in her own “Matt you’re freezing and shaking where the hell is your coat? How long were you out there?” She throws a worried look his way.

 

“Karen and Foggy meet at our old diner once a month before their daily appointments. I just wanted…” He trails off unsure of where he was going with that train of thought. Why did he decide it was so important to eavesdrop on them today?

 

She reaches behind the couch to pull a heavy silk down blanket over the two of them. He starts to shiver when he realizes just how cold he let himself get out there. Her hand clasps his tightly under the blanket. A wave of comfort comes over him, he leans into her side letting his head drop onto her shoulder, too heavy to hold up. He feels her head drop to rest on top of his while he nestles as far into her side as he can, letting her warmth seep into him.

 

“So you met with them?”

 

“Not exactly. Kind of took one from your playbook and eavesdropped for a while. They both have seen me on Trish’s show.”

 

“I’m sorry she can’t keep her nose out of everyone’s business.” He feels her tense next to him, hears her muscles making that familiar popping noise. His thumb glides over her knuckles rhythmically to relieve some of the tension.

 

“It’s not your fault.”

 

She lets out a long breath “So what did you hear?”

 

“Foggy is really mad. Karen is just hurting. It is completely my fault.”

 

“Murdock you sacrificed yourself for something you thought was right. Don’t beat yourself up over how other people deal with that. Everybody handles their shit differently.” 

 

His free hand runs over the silk blanket absently. It’s one of his favorites and she knows it. It is very heavy with down feathers, silky smooth, and a giant king size. The weight of it over them feels pillowly. Like being wrapped in a bear hug. 

 

“I only ever lied because I was afraid they’d be angry with my choices and leave me. I didn’t want to end up alone. I didn’t lie to hurt them I was trying to protect myself. I was selfish.” The tears flow again, unbidden. He pulls the blanket up to his chin to dab them away while the sobs take over his whole body. His breathing becomes ragged while the rest of him vibrates violently. 

 

She runs her free hand through his hair. Mentally he shifts his focus to listen to her breathing. Her smell wafts through his nose, he can taste the unique mix of whiskey and Jessica he has come to love. His hand moves down her wrist over her pulse point until all his senses are focused on her like a laser. The panicky feeling that had been threatening to over take him all day slowly subsides.

 

When he feels himself calm she starts again “There’s no shame in not wanting to be alone Matt. You have nothing to feel guilty about. That’s not selfish of you.” He feels her lips brush across the top of his head, her arm pulling him closer. “Go back to sleep. You’ve barely slept the past few days. I’ll be here, not going anywhere.”

 

He drifts off to sleep settled into her side, reveling in the feeling of her hands running through his hair.

 

\-----

 

It happens when she is walking from Matt’s apartment to her office. Minding her own business, fiddling with her new phone she walks right into her.

 

“Fuck watch where-” When she looks up they lock eyes. An anger presses down on her throat constricting her breathing. Her eyes narrow, her world turns red hot with fury. The eyes in front of her are steady and determined, but there are undertones of desperation and nervousness. She comes to the realization Trish planned this accidental run in.

 

“Jess you haven’t been at your apartment. I called Malcolm and he said he hadn’t seen you in weeks-”

 

“I moved out. Use it as an office when needed. And since when does Malcolm care?” Attempting to weave around her she watches as Trish flings her arm out to catch her before she can even try. Panic flares and her arm tenses tearing violently away from Trish before she can talk herself down. Right. She has powers now too. Trish turns red and looks down, jerking her arm back.

 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to grab you again.”

 

“Look Trish I meant what I said-”

 

“I’m not here about you and me.” She leans in close “Can we go inside?”

 

Hesitating for just a moment allows her to see the attention they have brought on themselves. Malcolm watches from across the street in his new designer suit, did Trish ask him there for back up? Jessica stalks past her not waiting for her to catch up, striding through the hallway with purpose. When they step inside the door she grabs her flask and sits at her desk. Her arms cross against her chest defensively. She nods at Trish to start talking.

 

“I got a new job. Karen Page helped me get into a television studio she has connections with. You might’ve seen the ads.” She stops to read Jessica.

 

“So? Why do you think I care?”

 

“Karen was the one who sent me. Jess, she has seen DareDevil. With you. All over the news.”

 

Great, this was exactly what Murdock needed when he was still wrestling with his friend’s inability to accept the devil in him. The guy was haunted enough without Trish outing him on television nightly.

 

“And who’s fault is that? Maybe the reporter who outs other vigilantes but not herself.”

 

“Karen and Foggy really care about Matt- like I care about you.” The latter half of the sentence is whispered “They were so happy he wasn’t dead, but they felt betrayed that he never even contacted them. Jess they grieved for him, they were his family. They don’t understand why he is pushing them out like this.”

 

“It wouldn’t be a problem if someone didn’t report on every little thing he did on the prime time news” She spits back at her “Don’t get involved in another thing you don’t understand Trish. Leave it alone.” With that she slams up from her desk and walks out the door, leaving Trish standing alone in her apartment.

 

\------

 

“So what’s on your agenda for today?” He asks Danny as they leave their usual coffee shop

 

“Colleen has me running errands, something about picking up dry cleaning? How about you?”

 

“Errands as well that I know Jessica will never do.”

 

Danny chuckles “Well I’ll see you later- you ok out on your own?”

 

“Yeah I’ll be fine, I’ll just blend in.” He tosses a smirk and a wink at Danny before crossing the street.

 

Since he had returned to his life as Matthew Murdock he rarely went out during the day. As much as he pretended for her that he was not afraid of stumbling into Karen or Foggy he was actually petrified. And worse off he was sure Jessica knew it, especially after this morning. His breath catches when he remembers what he overheard.

 

Today he was wandering the streets of Chinatown in search of groceries after having lunch at Danny’s place. God knew if he did not go forage for their food Jessica would live entirely off a diet of whiskey and he would starve. Luckily, Danny and Colleen’s neighborhood was far enough from Hell’s Kitchen he wouldn’t risk running into Foggy or Karen. The corner fruit stand smelled wonderful so he redirected himself toward it. Expanding his sense he checked quickly there was no one familiar nearby. That’s when he picked it up, a flicker of recognition outside another coffee shop. And it was heading his way.

 

“Matthew, uh Murdock?” He recognizes the voice immediately.

 

“Yes, who is asking?” He puts his hand out for a handshake purposefully in the wrong direction.

 

“You can cut the crap, I know all about you. Can we grab a coffee?” 

 

“Sure Trish.” She grabs him harshly before he can wriggle away, impressive reflexes. She directs him into the shop and sits them both at an isolated booth.

 

After ordering them both coffee he notices she is nervous. There is a jitteriness about her that is unfamiliar. Her usual ultra confident demeanor has all but disappeared, leaving a self conscious appearance.

 

“I… saw Jess today”

 

Great. That was exactly what his barely functioning girlfriend needed. A visit from her sort of sister who killed her mother.

 

“Ok.”

 

“Karen asked me to speak to her… about you. She has seen DareDevil wandering around with Jessica.”

 

“Ok.” Crap, this is not the conversation he wanted to have today. That was why Karen seemed so determined this morning talking to Foggy.

 

“She feels betrayed Matt. Her and Foggy mourned you, now you’re waltzing around Hell’s Kitchen like nothing happened without even telling your family.”

 

“Family accepts you for who you are no matter what. And since when are you and Karen so close?”

 

“She helped me get a new job. We bonded after Jess just…”

 

He lets the silence linger, being a lawyer had taught him the value of silence in a conversation. No matter how many times he heard from Jessica what happened between the two of them he couldn’t help but secretly want her approval. This was after all Jessica’s sister. She had plenty of good memories she shared with him about Trish to go along with the way their relationship ended. From what he could tell Trish’s worst character flaw was just getting caught up in her own selfishness. Who wasn’t prone to that?

 

“Why are you really here Trish?”

 

“Is Jess…. Is she doing better?” His heart softens, anyone who cares this much about Jess, someone who doesn’t make it easy to care about her, can’t be all bad.

 

“I think so.”

 

“You two live together?”

 

“How did you-”

 

“Karen is good at her job. She hasn’t been this close to anyone in a long time Matt. Please watch out for her, she needs that from someone.”

 

And with that she is gone, leaving him with his thoughts and two cups of coffee.

 

\-----

 

She ends up on the roof watching old movies. It might have been her spot with Trish but it was also a great place to clear her head. The seasons switching to fall made the temperature bearable, the smell of the city less rancid than in previous weeks, and the neighborhood quieter. An Affair to Remember projects across from her, but she can’t seem to clear her head enough to focus on the plot.

 

Her mind whirls around Trish’s visit. What a small world that she would befriend Karen. Hell’s Kitchen could be really freaking connected. Whenever Matt talked about Karen and Foggy there was a hint of sadness in his tone, a resigned way. There were times where he felt confident for removing them from his life, and other times she could tell he missed them deeply. This morning he broke her heart with how confused and sad he sounded. She imagined he got the same impression of her talk about Trish and Malcolm.

 

After many conversations about their former friends she had realized they had more in common than she had thought. Foggy had known Matt forever, to the point of becoming his only family. He filled the role Trish filled for Jessica. Whenever someone falls into that family role they feel the need to push and mold everyone into who they wanted them to be. Foggy wanted Matt to be ‘normal’. He didn’t want Matt to end up in jail or dead- again. In order to get what they wanted their family pushed and pushed and pushed. And they were not the type of people to be pushed like that.

 

In contrast Karen and Malcolm had forced their way into normally guarded people’s lives only recently. They felt they owed Matt and Jessica and attempted to take care of them in the ways they thought they were needed. It was well intentioned but they were wrong more often than they were right. They desperately wanted to be let in, but people like them could only give so much. She gave into Malcolm as much as she could, but there was only so much she could do when she was so focused on keeping her own head above water. Why couldn’t Karen see the same was happening to Matt?

 

The place where their problems diverged was the why. Foggy wanted Matt to stop saving people, he couldn’t see the good Matt was trying to do. Trish wanted her to save everyone, unable to see what it did to Jessica. It still confused her how this thing between her and Matt had worked at all when they were so wildly different people. Instead of pushing her Matt always made sure she had options and let her be the one in control of them. On her part she was careful never to tell him what to do either, instead she told him why she needed certain things from him. Supporting someone’s choices worked better with headstrong people like them better than any amount of pushing ever could. How long and how many mistakes had it taken on her part to learn that though? Didn’t Karen and Foggy deserve a second chance to learn the same thing?

 

That was where her mother wandered back into her thoughts. How Jessica kept her at arm’s length for most of their lives together. How she was so afraid to lose her family again she couldn’t even try to let her in. She could easily place herself into Karen and Foggy’s shoes, it would be hell to see her mother walking around Hell’s Kitchen and never acknowledging Jessica existed. Acceptance was important, but so were second chances. She jumps off the roof with a resolve.

 

\-----


	5. Chapter 5

\------

 

After hours of running all over the city in the aftermath of Trish’s morning ambush she finally lands on his roof. Walking in the upper door to his apartment she hears that he is already in the kitchen unloading groceries. It’s dark as always, thank god for that billboard or she’d fall on her ass coming down the death trap that is his staircase. The room is filled with a purple haze from the current ad it displays, she feels a shiver creep down her spine. No. That will not bother her today. As she enters he lifts his head up and cocks it slightly, damn him.

 

“Whiskey is on the counter.” Is his only greeting when he realizes her state of alert, bobbing his head toward the bottle. She grabs it to take a large gulp and notices he has a glass for himself. Sitting down at the counter she watches him work while the whiskey does its job. He is bumping into things, fumbling with drawers that she knows he can pick out just fine. Concentrating on his hands she sees they are shaking, a tick he only has when he is insecure. Distracted by something perhaps? Maybe he had the same day she had.

 

“So I am guessing Trish tracked you down too?”

 

He drops a bag of eggplant to the ground while staring more blankly than usual at her. Seriously, eggplant? She wouldn’t even know what to do with eggplant if she did decide to cook. 

 

“How’d you know?”

 

“Matt you’re shaking, you’ve run into the counter twice, and you can’t seem to find the drawers in your own kitchen. Clearly you’re too distracted to function.” She rounds the table and grabs the rest of the groceries from his hands, turning from him to put them away “Now spill.”

 

He recounts his day from the bar stool while she unpacks the groceries, voice shaking the whole time. He was clearly afraid of her reaction when she found out he spoke to Trish. When will he learn he doesn’t have to be afraid she will bail on him? She works hard to temper her anger at her sister so as not to project on the poor guy, he’s enough of a mess. Standing there she focuses on tunneling her anger into the movements required to put away the groceries. Maybe she did learn something from that bullshit support group. Even if she just snapped off a few handles from the kitchen cabinets.

 

“Can we go to a bar to finish this conversation? How about that one you talk about all the time, its close by right?” Her words come out a mile a minute, all the pent up anger spilling into her voice.

 

He smiles at her “Sure. I’ve been meaning to introduce you to Josie.”

 

Hopefully this plan of her’s doesn’t blow up in her face.

 

\------

 

He walks into the bar for the first time since his resurrection as Jessica calls it. The familiar smells calm his shaky nerves a bit. He picks up the sounds of the tap Josie is pouring from, there’s several locals playing pool, he can taste the stale beer that has coated practically every surface in the place. He feels a fondness well up in his chest, almost like coming home. She had insisted he wear his ‘Matthew Murdock’ clothes, but his suit and tie feel so out of place in Josie’s. He grabs Jessica’s hand and drags her confidently to where he can sense Josie has maneuvered to before she gets a chance to hurry away.

 

“Josie, this is my girlfriend, Jessica.”

 

“You’re back. Hmph. Been a while. What’ll it be?”

 

“Two glasses and the bottle Josie.” They maneuver into bar stools close to the tap.

 

“See? That was easy. One person down. Call me your girlfriend again though and that’ll be another story.”

 

He smirks at her while he pours their drinks “That’s Josie for you. And what exactly do you call us?”

 

She smiles that playful grin he loves so much “Roommates?”

 

He catches her lips in his, feeling it widen against his face. His tongue whisks the whiskey taste from her mouth before pulling back, feeling his own lips pull into a smile. She was good at distracting him.

 

“So Jess, why here?”

 

“I… also ran into Trish. She wanted to talk to me on behalf of Karen.” She gulps down the glass, stalling to gather her thoughts. “It got me thinking.”

 

He feels his body brace against the words he knows are coming. “Jess if you’re going to tell me to-”

 

“Don’t presume to tell me what I am thinking.” Her words have a sharper bite to them than he has heard in a while, all her own defenses up.

 

“Ok fine. I am listening.”

 

He takes a mental step back from his own emotions to focus on what he can get of her own. Her hands are fiddling with the rim of her glass, knee bouncing up and down. The creaking sound of her muscles tightening in combination of the increasing heat coming off her skin is like firecrackers next to him. Even so she is subconsciously leaning toward him as her own insecurities are getting the best of her. It soften his heart a bit, there are 1000 little ways she says she loves him everyday even if she doesn’t say it outloud. He lets the back of his hand gently graze her forearm to relax her.

 

“Look Murdock-”

 

“I would if I could.” He says with a flashy grin. Her head snaps up, he hears the tightening of muscles around her eyes that he has come to associate with her very intense glare. He ducks his head and laughs “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, go on.” This time he outright takes her hand off the glass in a tight grasp.

 

“Matt, I get that Foggy and Karen hurt you after the law firm broke up. I get it, trust me I do. But what about giving them a second chance?”

 

He takes a deep breath “Jess I’m sorry I came home like that this morning, but I am really fine with my decision not to tell them I am alive.”

 

“Why not then?” Fuck, did she love challenging him

 

He shrugs “Some things aren’t worth wasting a second chance on.”

 

“Shit everything is black and white to you, how the hell do you not believe in forgiveness as a Catholic? Isn’t that why you don’t kill all those people DareDevil takes out? So they can have a second chance? What’s that saying again?”

 

“ _ Where there is life there is hope _ ”

 

“So what makes your relationships so beyond hope?”

 

“What makes your’s?” He bites back, slamming his drink down a little harder than intended.

 

“Did Foggy kill your mother? Did Karen help your sister OD on her watch? Don’t flip this shit around Murdock, we are talking about you.”

 

He ducks his head again, feeling the flush of embarrassment rise to his face. She was very good at grounding him when he got overly dramatic. He could never win a biteback battle with Jessica Jones, she was like an unstoppable force when she had an idea in her head. Gently he gives her hand another squeeze, an apology he can’t voice.

 

She starts again “I am not exactly the best with… feelings. I’ve been given a lot of second chances. Especially by you. Why don’t they deserve a second chance? Who’s to say you dying didn’t teach them to be accepting of what you can and can’t give them?”

 

“I doubt it” He scoffs

 

“Didn’t Foggy give you the suit before we went to midland circle? I think in itself speaks volumes.”

 

“He must have felt really guilty about that…” He trails off, mulling that over. He would blame himself had the roles been reversed. Foggy must have been really hurting these last few months thinking he could be responsible for his best friend’s death.

 

She nods sharply. “You know Hogarth has him handling all her ‘gifted’ clients? He helped Luke out of a few legal binds. You can’t pretend that doesn’t have something to do with you asshole.”

 

“Really?” He says with a tone of ernest. He inspired Foggy to help vigilanties like him?

 

“Mhmm. And clearly Karen is hanging out with Trish. You also know her history with Frank Castle. I think they are both a little more… open… to your lifestyle than you seem to think.”

 

“But what if they aren’t accepting of all this?”

 

“How will you know if you never even ask?”

 

It’s a long time before he speaks again. “They were so mad this morning. I don’t know if I can-” He ducks his head again, pulling his hands back to his lap. Her gaze so intense and penetrating he can’t face her in this moment of weakness.

 

“Hey.” She grabs his shoulder in a tight grasp “I don’t want you to keep feeling the way you felt this morning. Facing them won’t make you worse Matt. Might even make things a little easier, having your friends back in your life.”

 

“I lied to them so many times….”

 

“That second chance we keep talking about? Ever think about giving yourself one while we’re at it?”

 

He takes a large gulp of whiskey before settling into silence. She has resumed fiddling with her glass while he distracts himself with the signals she is sending his way. He can taste the adrenaline rolling off her. She is a bundle of nerves, vigilance and is that.... Anticipation?

 

“Jess what’s all this-” The door opens behind him, just to his left. As the bell dings he catches the familiar scent of Karen and Foggy. “Jess. What are they doing here?”

 

“I invited them. I figured you needed to talk.”

 

An ache builds in his chest, his throat burns with nerves. This is so far outside his comfort zone he almost doesn’t believe it is happening. His hands start to vibrate on his glass, she grabs them gently and squeezes. 

 

“It’ll be ok. I’ll be right here, just talk to them. There are lots of shades of grey Matthew.” She whisper too low for anyone to hear but him.

 

Karen runs up to him and grabs him in a tight embrace. He tenses at first before allowing himself to relax into her arms, wrapping his own arms around her chest, tears welling up behind his glasses. When they pull back he notices Foggy trailing behind, hands clasped together and head tilted at the ground. Karen takes a few steps back to grab him roughly by the elbow and maneuver him into a bar stool.

 

“Matt we’ve missed you so much.” She glances to Foggy who still has yet to turn to look at Matt. “I for one was so happy when Jessica stopped by my office this afternoon.” She glances over to Jess who has her nose deep in a refreshed glass of whiskey.

 

He nods “Jess was just telling me how she invited you both to ambush me this evening.” He hears Jessica snort into her glass behind him.

 

“C’mon Matt that’s not what we’re here for-” Karen starts

 

“That’s what I am here for.” Foggy interrupts, finally looking up toward Matt. “What the fuck Matt? What the actual fuck? You think you can just come back to life and let us all think you’re dead?” The venom in his voice burns Matt like an acid. but when Matt reads his body language all he can sense is pain. A fumbling heart rate, shaky breathing, hell he even tastes of pain.

 

“Foggy, buddy, I am sorry. I am so sorry.” He fights back the tears that threaten to spill over.

 

“I am so sick of listening to you apologize! It’s all you do Matt. Lie and apologize. You are the most unreliable, self centered, irresponsible-” 

 

He is cut off by the sound of glass shattering from behind Matt. If Matt didn’t have excellent reflexes Foggy would have ended up flat on his ass on Josie’s floor. He whips around just in time to grab Jessica by the wrist and pin her to the bar, face down with her arm against her back. “Jess it’s ok. I’m fine. He just needs me to hear him out.”

 

“Doesn’t mean he can verbally abuse you while I sit back and watch you drown in even more guilt than you already were.” She yells loud enough for the whole bar to hear.

 

When he focuses back to Foggy he can tell he is completely stunned. His heart is beating out of his chest, his breathing has shortened to tiny gasps. Fear is rolling off him in waves. “Foggy it’s ok, Jessica is going to go back to our apartment and wait for me, right Jess?” He gives her wrist a gently rub with his thumb, silently begging her to control her anger.

 

“Fine.” She says, throwing him off her easily. “But I am drinking all the good booze while I wait Murdock.” She grabs his glass and shoots the whiskey back before slamming it on the bar.

 

He smiles at her “I would expect nothing less.”

 

His ears follows her out of the bar while Karen and Foggy drink down their drinks and order another round. Stiffly he lowers himself back into his bar stool.

 

“I see your taste in women hasn’t changed.” Foggy says bitterly “If no one has told you she’s really fucking hot. But also fucking scary.”

 

He smirks “That is an excellent way to describe her.”

 

“All the interns at Hogarth’s are terrified of her.”

 

He hears Karen laugh. She barely flinched when Jessica tried to punch out Foggy, a far cry from the woman they first met in the precinct. “C’mon Foggy you’ve met far more terrifying people than Jessica Jones.”

 

“Um nope. She is horrifying.”

 

A silence falls over the three of them. He listens to Foggy repeatedly breath in short small breaths, preparing to speak, before he swallows the words over and over. His edginess is triggering Matt’s own nerves. Well they have to start somewhere.

 

“So anything else to get off your chest Fog?”

 

A long, pregnant pause settles in. Just before Karen starts to speak for him Foggy whispers quietly “I’m just done Matt. I can’t rely on you.”

 

“I know I have done nothing to earn your trust, but I would really appreciate the chance to try to earn it back. As a friend.” He can feel Foggy’s intense stare boring into his skull. It makes his words come out too rapidly, like the first time he was in court and no one could understand him he blabbered on so fast.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Maybe we could take it one day at a time guys?” Karen suggests. He sends an appreciate smile her way.

 

“Please buddy. I need my friend back.” He can feel the tears falling free now. Foggy’s heart stutters again.

 

“I can try. I can’t make promises but I can try Matt.” He tastes salt in the air, was Foggy crying? Suddenly his arms are full of Foggy, followed quickly by Karen “I missed you so much you idiot. Don’t you ever do that to me again.”

 

“I won’t. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

“No more promises Matt.” Karen says in between tears. “Promises don’t exactly mean much coming from you. Just please be safe.”

 

He laughs “You don’t have to worry. Jessica will kill me if I go dying under buildings again.”

 

Karen pulls back first “So how’d that happen? The two of you?”

 

Foggy jumps on the subject change “Yeah what the hell Matt? How do you land all the hot scary chicks?”

 

The three of them laugh while he fills them in on his life in the past few months. They trade stories and updates for hours, until long after Josie has shouted last call. It might not be perfect, but at least it is a starting point.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am about as good at feelings as Matt and Jess so I apologize if this does not resonate properly. The next chapter jumps a little more into the Jessica and Foggy relationship.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back from my work trip! I am not happy with this chapter but if I reread it again I'll never post it. So I might come back and edit it another time. The rest of this story I am so happy with but I feel as thought I did not get across what I wanted to here. Let me know what you guys think....

\-------

  
  


She is coming out of the subway, on her way back from a meeting in Brooklyn when her phone rings. Its an unknown number so she presses decline. After a difficult client she is not in the mood to take on another. Whoever it is can just leave a damn voicemail. It almost immediately starts ringing again. Rolling her eyes she resigns herself to answering it.

 

“I’m really not in the mood whoever this is.”

 

“Jessica? Jessica Jones? This is Foggy Nelson. I um. I have a problem.”

 

She rolls her eyes even harder. Foggy was one of those people in life she barely tolerated. Between his general clueless demeanor and the way he treated Matt her limited patience was spent. After a long day she did not have it in her to play nice.

 

“Don’t we all.”

 

“It’s uh, it’s about Matt.”

 

Her stomach sinks. That panic in Nelson’s voice is ominous, and she knew Murdock well enough to know whatever it is couldn’t be good. 

 

“What the hell happened? He was just on his way to meet a client!”

 

“I found him outside my door, he says he ran across a demolition zone. He can’t seem to hear anything. He keeps asking for you.”

 

Her blood runs cold in her veins, she stops walking and gets shoulder checked by an old man. Tumbling into the subway railing she mutters under her breath ‘Fucking New Yorkers’ before straightening herself up and creating a quick plan. 

 

“Where are you? I’m coming now. Text me the address.”

 

She takes off at a run to their apartment. She’ll need supplies if he lost his hearing again.

 

\----

 

Nelson’s building is almost as fancy as Hogarth’s, he must be doing well with her new law firm. The handles to the doors are gold painted, she reaches to grab them but a doorman beats her to it. The lobby leads to a narrow hallway, full of pictures of famous artists. She spies droplets of blood in a trail as she hurries to the apartment number he texted her. Her fist hits Nelson’s silver plated door hard enough to knock the whole thing off the hinges.

 

Foggy opens the door almost immediately, a slightly terrified look plastered on his face as she pushes straight past him into the apartment. Immediately she zones in on Matt. He is sitting on Foggy’s kitchen floor, knees drawn up to his chest, hands pressed firmly to either side of his head while rocking back and forth. A trickle of blood dripping from each ear in a trail down to the collar of his button up. There is a large gash on his forehead at the hairline. 

 

She rushes to him, kneeling in front of him she gently places her hands on his knees. He flinches back violently, breathing in heavily. Very slowly she glides her hands up his arms to his own hands, peeling them back from his skull. Reluctantly he lets her pull them up to her face. They vibrate violently as his hands start searching her face

 

“Jess?” His voice is barely a whisper, cracking with the threat of sobs bubbling up from his chest. She nods in his hands. One of his hands slides to her wrist to get a lock on her pulse while the other he lays flat on the floor. Was he feeling the tile for their footsteps? Reaching into her bag she pulls out his laptop and braille attachment.

 

“Nelson hook this up. I’m going to try to get him off your floor. You know what happened?”

 

“He cornered himself over there and hasn’t said much since. Something about a demolition bomb and not being able to hear anything. I tried to get him to the spare bed but he wouldn’t budge.”

 

“I think he’s using the floor vibrations to track us, otherwise he’s probably having a really tough time visualizing his surroundings.”

 

“I can’t imagine how scary that must be for him. Or how he even made it to my apartment.” 

 

She shrugs while gently tugging him to stand. He hesitates but she gathers him into her arms pulling him upright and can feel him relax slightly. Gently she pulls back to drag him to the spare bedroom Foggy had pointed out. Almost immediately he falls back to the ground shaking and sobbing. Nelson comes up behind her with his laptop prepped. They both lower themselves to sit cross legged on the ground with him. The three of them must be a strange sight. Foggy dressed in his designer suit sitting like a kindergartener playing dress up. Herself, clad in a hoodie, ripped jeans, and her leather jacket. And Matt. Oh Matt. He looks like he started his day put together, dark jeans and a black button up. His sunglasses are neatly folded in his breast pocket. But now he has unbuttoned his top two buttons, his tie is hanging loosely from his neck like he had to tear at it to catch his breath. His jeans are covered in plaster dust, his hair is out of place from him tugging at it. The blood is like the cherry on top of his deshelvement. Before typing she gently loosens the tie from its knot and pulls it off his neck. He doesn’t even react. She types quickly then grabs his hand, directing it to the pad.

 

_ Murdock. You’re in Nelson’s apartment. You are safe. We are both right here. _

 

His sobs slow as he reads. “I can’t hear. Again.”

 

_ We know. What happened? _

 

“It was a demolition site at a construction zone I think. I was walking by on my way to meet a client when it went off, it was so loud. A rock or something hit me really hard in the head while I was distracted. First that was all I could hear, until suddenly there was pain and blood. After that I couldn’t hear a thing. I was pretty sure I was close to Foggy’s apartment so I found my way off muscle memory.”

 

_ Anything else off other than hearing? _

 

“My sonar is based off what I can hear so that’s gone too. I can’t ‘see’ anything right now. I only have touch, taste, and smell to go off right now. A little woozy from the head injury too.”

 

_ Anything else wrong? More pain? _

 

He shakes his head jerkily, Nelson reaches forward and squeezes his shoulder. Matt raises his head, searching back and forth “Foggy?”

 

She passes the computer to Nelson

 

_ I’m right here buddy. Your 10 o’clock. _

 

“I’m so sorry.” He says through the tears

 

_ Don’t apologize. You weren’t even out doing DareDevil things. _

 

“I worried you again.”

 

_ It’s ok, I’m not mad. Jess is going to clean your ears, they’re bleeding. _

 

“Alright.” Despite his consent he still jerks when she touches his face with the cloth Foggy passed her. It’s not much blood, she has a feeling he might’ve just ruptured his ear drums. That’s not terrible, or so she tries to convince herself. Even the head injury is shallow, maybe the combination of the two affected his hearing? Once she finishes she nods to Foggy to start typing again.

 

_ How about you go in my spare bedroom and lay down for a bit? _

 

“N-no I should go. I don’t want to be a bother.”

 

Her and Nelson share an exasperated look. Ok maybe they have a little more common ground than she thought.

 

_ Matt there is no way you can get home. You can stay as long as you need. It is fine. Go lay down with Jessica. She is going to lead you there ok? _

 

Fear flashes across his face, she tears the laptop away from Nelson.

 

_ C’mon Murdock. I’m not going to let you run into anything. You need to get some rest and stop worrying. Take my hand when you’re ready. I’m at your 1 o’clock. _

 

She sees him relax slightly and turn toward her. His hands reach for her and she eagerly grasps them. He is shaking so violently she hands the computer back to Nelson out of fear of breaking it. They rise together then make a very slow walk to the bedroom, Nelson following close behind. She maneuvers him onto the bed before disentangling herself from his grasp. His face twists into a look of panic again before she grabs Foggy, who flinches almost as bad as Matt, and drags him to sit on the bed with them. She starts typing again.

 

_ We’re both right here Matt, your ten and two. _

 

He nods his head rapidly before sliding back to lean into the headboard. Foggy rests his hand on Matt’s knee, gently rubbing his thumb against his jeans before taking the laptop from her.

 

_ You’re ok buddy. _

 

“What if it doesn’t come back?” His voice shakes while he asks. She takes the laptop back from Foggy

 

_ It came back just fine last time, and that was after a building fell on you. This is nothing devil boy. You are going to be just fine. _

 

He gives her his sad puppy dog pout which always,  _ always _ breaks her heart a little. She brushes his hair out of his face and kisses his forehead, acutely aware Nelson is incredibly uncomfortable.

 

_ Nelson appears to be wildly uncomfortable with PDA. How is he your friend, you clingy bastard? _

 

That gets him laughing hard. Nelson takes the screen from her to see what she wrote before busting out in his own laughter. He squeezes Matt’s shoulder before typing again.

 

_ Go to sleep buddy. I bet you’ll be all better by the time you wake up. _

 

Matt nods and rolls into the fetal position, curling up under Foggy’s silk sheets. His hands run over the sheets nervously. 

 

“Silk Fog?”

 

_ What can I say, I never really gave up hope on us getting drunk in Josie’s and you needing to crash here again. _

 

He smiles, just briefly “You’ll both stay?” A flicker of fear flashes across his eyes again

 

_ Both of us devil boy. Just shout if you need us, we’ll be right in the other room. _

 

Her heartbreaks a little more leaving him, but he needs to sleep it off without her waking him up with every movement. Foggy motions for her to take the couch while he grabs a bottle of whiskey and two glasses.

 

“Thanks Nelson.”

 

“Thank you. I thought I was never getting him off my floor.”

 

She nods before sipping her drink. It’s much smoother than Matt’s best bottle. These two were going to ruin her taste in whiskey.

 

“Nothing I haven’t had to do before”

 

He gulps down a mouthful of whiskey “He said he lost his hearing again. So this happened before?”

 

She nods, staring back into her glass “Once before I met him, then right after midland circle. He was withdrawing from narcotics so he wasn’t as aware of it as he seems to be now. Seems scared shitless this time.” She drinks down another gulp

 

“Yeah he said drugs really mess up his spidey sense.”

 

She chokes on her drink “He lets you call it that?”

 

“What do you think?” He laughs “How long should we let him sleep?”

 

She shrugs “I’m sure he’ll wake up in a bit just fine then we’ll be out of your hair.”

 

“You don’t have to go anywhere. You both can stay for however long. I just want him to be ok.”

 

“Hmph. You didn’t seem to care the other night at Josie’s.”

 

A flush creeps over his face “Of course I care. He’s like my family. I just can’t- I can’t be lied to again and again.”

 

She slams her glass down on Nelson’s expensive mahogany table “You ever wonder why he lies?”

 

“Because he’s selfish and-”

 

“You’re a moron.” She feels her voice raising to shout, suddenly thankful Matt won’t be able to hear this conversation “It’s because he doesn’t want to hurt you. He can’t lose you. You’re so important to him he hides and apologizes for who he is if it means he won’t have to lose you.”

 

“We’ve been friends for so long….”

 

“You know him. You know how he is.”

 

“He just doesn’t think!” He stands angrily and starts pacing, glass in hand. “How can he be so stupid and reckless? He grew up with his father telling him he never wanted a life like this for his son. Why can’t being a lawyer be enough for him? Why does he always think it has to be him?”

 

“I think you know the answer to all that Foggy.” The words come out bitter even to her ears. There is a long pause while Foggy paces, running his hands roughly through his hair.

 

“Yeah, I do.” He plops down on the couch, hand over forehead. “If there had been a DareDevil that night Jack Murdock was walking home Matt’s life would’ve been so different.” He drinks down the glass then leans forward for a refill.

 

“It’s who he is Nelson. If you want him in your life you have to accept that.”

 

There’s a long break before he starts again “Do you really think his hearing will come back?”

 

“I really hope so. I can’t believe something so normal would’ve knocked it out. I mean how many head injuries do you think he has had over the years?”

 

“Mhmm, a lot. I can’t imagine him being ok with being deaf either.”

 

She swallows hard, not wanting to think about that prospect. “I think he just ruptured his ear drums.”

 

There’s another awkward pause. “I cannot believe he apologized. And wanted to go home.”

 

She rolls her eyes “He is utterly hopeless.”

 

“You’re telling me.”

 

She relaxes a fraction. Maybe Nelson wasn’t as painful to be around as she thought. It was nice having someone to commiserate with over Matt’s stupidity. Reaching over she refreshes both their glasses.

 

“You’re not quite as souless as Hogarth’s other lackys.”

 

“Thanks? I guess?”

 

“Someone who has taken care of Matt this long definitely is not the type to flock to Hogarth’s practice.”

 

He shrugs “Somebody has to keep this idiot alive. I am glad he has full time supervision though. I am not exactly capable of extracting him from difficult situations. He told me how you found him. You’re a good PI”

 

Worrying her lip a little between her teeth she fights back the urge to push off his praise “Wasn’t hard, we both know how deep that catholicism runs.”

 

“That is very true.” He says with a chuckle “Still, thank you. For bringing him back. And for tracking us down. I didn’t realize how much I needed my best friend.”

 

No matter how much she tried to deflect him he seemed hellbent on talking about feelings. Her specialty. She just stares back at him, uncomfortable under his praise. “Just did what had to be done.”

 

“Jess!” She hears Matt yell from the bedroom.

 

Nelson gets up “Look, uh I have an appointment with my uh- Marci. I won’t be back until morning. You guys should stay the night. There’s clothes in his size in the nightstand. When I get back I’ll bring breakfast for us.”

 

“You don’t have to-”

 

“Yeah. I do. Stay as long as he needs. I’ll be back in the morning.”

 

“Jess!” Matt shouts again, louder. Foggy nods to her before slipping out his front door.

 

She gets up silently moving to the other room. He is sitting up again, his head moving back and forth wildly. Stepping forward she gently touches his foot, attempting not to startle him. He responds by reaching for her, she raises her hands to meet his. Slowly, she unbuttons his shirt, sliding it off his shoulders. She reaches into the drawer next to the bed to pull out a pair of sweats. With a bit of difficulty she maneuvers Matt out of his filthy pants and into the fresh ones before laying down next to him.

 

His hands reach up to her face, searching her facial features. She closes her eyes and lets him, relaxing onto her back. Her head sinks into Nelson’s ridiculous memory foam pillow, she thought Matt had expensive taste but apparently he had nothing on Nelson.

 

“I can’t sleep, I can’t turn my mind off.” He whispers, barely audible. “Stay with me until I fall asleep?”

 

God he was an idiot. “I’ll stay as long as you want me here Matt.” Knowing full and well he can’t hear her she nods her head in his hands before pulling him closer, letting him rest his head against her chest. He lets out a slow breath, focusing on feeling her heart beating against her rib cage.

 

“I love you Jess.” He mumbles into her chest

 

“I love you too.” She whispers as softly as possible, so quietly a normal person wouldn’t have heard it, much less a deaf one.

  
  


\------


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kicked my ass for weeks. I hate writing lots of dialogue but that's what was needed much to my misfortune.

A slamming door causes her to jolt awake. She never sleeps well in strange places, after a few too many nights with Killgrave in hotels she constantly feels like she is on the edge of sleep waiting to fall over. Very gently she rolls out from under Matt, laying his head on the pillow she vacates. As quietly as possible she wraps him in the comforter and slips out of the bedroom.

 

Foggy is fumbling noisily through the kitchen with a large bag and three coffee cups. She slips into a bar stool as he passes her one of the cups.

 

“Is he awake?”

 

She shakes her head “Nope. Probably still can’t hear if all your noise didn’t wake him.” She adds while fumbling with the edge of her cup.

 

She watches him gulp down a large mouthful of coffee. Reaching across the table she grabs his whiskey to sweeten her own cup before taking a sip. A warmth spreads down her chest before radiating through her body. The magic of whiskey in the mornings. Glancing up Nelson has a look of horror on his face.

 

“What are you looking at Nelson? Never needed a Jameson pick me up in the morning?”

 

“Not exactly. Especially at 6am” He says, apprehensively 

 

She laughs into her cup while he tentatively puts a sandwich in front of her “Relax Nelson, I won’t bite.”

 

“Yeah sure…”

 

“But?”

 

“But… You’re Jessica Jones! All of Hogarth’s interns are terrified of you. You’re just plain scary.”

 

She barks out a laugh at that. “Maybe you’re not such a moron after all Nelson. Don’t worry I promise not to punch the person who takes care of this idiot when he pulls stupid shit.”

 

“Or break the things in the apartment of the person who takes care of your idiot boyfriend when he needs to be patched up from his reckless stunts? The breaking of expensive things is very important...”

 

She cringes at the word. “First of all Matt is not my boyfriend-”

 

“Don’t you two live together??”

 

“Yes” She replies, unphased

 

“And don’t you sleep together?”

 

“Not your business but generally people who live together sleep together.”

 

“So he is your boyfriend!”

 

“I hate that word. And we haven’t labeled it per say.”

 

“Really? He told me he loves you.”

 

She outright drops her coffee at that comment. Good thing the cup was sturdy. How the fuck did she end up someone who wore his heart so plainly on his sleeve? “Fine. Call it what you want Nelson.”

 

“So I’ve been thinking…”

 

“A real exercise for you I presume?”

 

“Ha. Ha. Anyway. Even though Matt was not out being reckless this time I realized this could easily happen during one of his late night stunts. And I gather you don’t approve of his reckless side?”

 

“No but you know he can’t just stop being DareDevil. It’s who he is Nelson.”

 

“I know. And I’m not going to bail on him over it. But Marci gave me an idea for dealing with Matt’s inner martyr.”

 

“Who the hell is Marci?”

 

“My girlfriend”

 

“You have one of those?” She says with the rise of an eyebrow

 

“Of course I- Never mind. Anyway. She brought up how Matt is a lawyer by nature. So I figured out a way to prevent him from doing as much stupid shit. Or at least do it a little safer.”

 

“Oh yeah? Now you’ve got my attention. How do we do that?”

 

He smiles brightly at her “We make a contract together.”

  
  


\-------

  
  


Her laugh is the first thing that penetrates the white noise that had been buzzing through his ears like a dagger. Jessica? He breathes in deeply, her scent still surrounding him overwhelming the scent of Foggy on the sheets. Stretching his back he rolls on his side then expands his hearing out, listening for his city. The pigeons are screeching, subways humming, taxis honking. It’s not as sharp as usual, almost like his world on fire is covered in a thin veil of smoke, but it’ll do. He stumbles out of bed, reaching for a zip up hoodie Foggy keeps in a drawer for him.

 

Cautiously he walks through the door to the bedroom, extending his arms to feel the frame before stepping through. Better safe than sorry. He snaps his fingers a few times but the noise is too muted to give him any sonar sense of the apartment. 

 

“Well good morning Helen Keller.” Jessica says loudly in his direction. Her voice radiates through the smoke again, he walks toward it concentrating hard on how the sound hits various objects in the room. Her voice penetrated his fog far better than his snaping.

 

“Jessica!” Foggy scolds while rushing toward Matt, grabbing his arm and guiding him to the seat next to Jess. “Matt how you doing? Can you hear me?”

 

He feels her brush up against his left side with affection and realizes she only spoke to give him a point of reference. She makes sure he can orient himself to her position next to him while putting a cup of coffee directly into his hands. Everything she does is slow and cautious. He realizes what she does for him is done with care while appearing to Foggy as abrasive and completely uncaring. He laughs softly. Very Jessica of her. 

 

“Not as good as usual man, but definitely better. Thanks for giving us a place to crash Fog.”

 

Somehow her hand has traveled under the table to squeeze his knee. Through the fog he can hear her heart stutter a little so he slides his own hand down to cover her’s.

 

“Don’t worry about it buddy. I am just glad you’re ok.”

 

“Scale of 1-10?” Jessica asks, her breath smelling of Jameson. He smirks at her

 

“If last night was a 0 and you hear at a 5 I am around a 7.”

 

“I meant the pain jackass.”

 

“None.” He says and he doesn’t need his full hearing to know she is throwing a skeptical look his way

 

“Any idea what happened?” Foggy jumps in

 

“Honestly, I barely remember it. I really can’t imagine why this was so bad.”

 

He feels Jessica lean in obtrusively to look into his ear. Her fingers glide around his ear lobe in a much more graceful manor than he thought possible for her. He flinches away when she pushes on an especially tender spot behind his left ear.

 

“I think you ruptured your eardrum. Once the fluid drains and the swelling goes down hearing usually clears a bit with full function regained in a few days. Though according to doctor google very few people fully loose hearing. I am guessing that in combination with a concussion caused your deafness.”

 

A wave of relief washes over him that he can’t hide from Jessica. He would hear again. It wasn’t permanent. She found the information he was desperate for and he couldn’t be more grateful. He would hear again he reminds himself one more time. She leans in to hug him tightly which he can’t help but return with twice the strength and small tears running down his face. Her hand rubs his shoulders. “You’re ok Matt.” She whispers at a level Foggy can’t hear.

 

“Thank you” He whispers back, directly in her ear. He swallows hard, pushing the emotion down deep. She pulls back first but not without making sure he can hold his own. He squeezes her hand tightly and shoots a small smile her way.

 

“See Matt, you’ll be able to hear at your normal again.” Foggy chimes in

 

He shrugs, eager to change the subject. “So I leave you two alone for 12 hours and everyone is conscious thus far, what happened?”

 

They both shrug at him before Jessica bursts out laughing.

 

“Do I even want to know?

 

“Nope” they reply in unison. Boy is he in trouble.

 

“Here Matt, eat your bagel and drink some coffee.” Foggy demands, shoving a plate his way

 

“Thanks again Fog, I don’t know how to repay you.”

 

Jessica pours more Jameson into her cup much to Foggy’s exasperation. Matt just chuckles, biting into his sandwich and pushing his coffee closer to her so she can sweeten his with whiskey as well. The slow trickle of the warm liquor is welcome to his ears, yet he still feels Foggy’s skeptical eye on him.

 

“Since when are you are morning whiskey drinker?” Foggy asks

 

“Since Jessica showed me how great it tastes in coffee.” He retorts, sending another smile in Jessica’s direction

 

“You talk like I introduced you to whiskey Murdock”

 

He reaches over and squeezes her hand while taking another bite of his favorite sandwich. Foggy always knew where to get his sandwiches from. He feels Jessica’s hand message at his left hip. A small moan escapes his lips while she works at loosening his joints. As much as he ignores it his hip still causes him a lot of difficulty.

 

“Alright?” She asks hesitantly, fingers still moving rhythmically over his muscles.

 

“Perfect.” And he means it. He has his best friend and Jessica in one room. With irish coffees and bagel sandwiches. The circumstances are unimportant. He leans into kiss her deeply which she returns with equal enthusiasm.

 

Foggy coughs “Ok if you guys are going to that I am joining in on the whiskey” as he grabs the bottle from Jessica.

 

“So Murdock. We know this wasn’t related to DareDevil activities, but you scared both of us shitless yesterday.” She begins

 

A pain of guilt hits him hard “I’m sorry Jess I-”

 

She holds up her hand to interrupt “No. No apologizing Murdock. You do not have to apologize for who you are. Right Nelson?”

 

He can sense the very stern face she sends Foggy’s way, even feels Foggy wither under her stare.

 

“Right.”

 

“So Nelson and I have come together-”

 

“Now I know there is a God. No way you two would come together without divine intervention.”

 

“-we decided together to make a contract. A contract of friendship.” Foggy finishes for her, completely ignoring his evasion. 

 

“Oh?” His lawyer voice slurs out unbidden

 

“Yes. Jessica and I agree. We do not want to lose you again. So we are making some ground rules to keep you safe while you’re out there protecting people.”

 

“Matt, you’re turning red. Can we read it to you before you flip out?” Jessica’s hand resumes its slow message of his aching hip.

 

“Fine but I reserve the right to edits.”

 

“Of course. I will also print it in braille before you sign it.” Foggy chimes in

 

Matt groans while Foggy clears his throat to get his own version of a lawyer voice ready

 

“Rule number one. You must tell Jessica or myself before you go out at night.”

 

He nods. Not unreasonable. 

 

“Rule number two. You cannot go out patrolling alone.”

 

“Objection. I want to add a clause.”

 

“I will hear arguments.”

 

“Unless there is an immediate danger to an innocent person”

 

“Justification?”

 

“I can’t just walk by if I hear someone scream for help in an ally Foggy, I can’t do that.”

 

“Sustained. Seems fair.”

 

He feels Jessica roll her eyes as the smoke lifts from his ears. Foggy, Jessica, and Matt spend hours hashing out the contract with plenty of friendly banter in between. He can’t wipe the grin off his face and he knows Jessica will tease him mercilessly later. He never pictured his best friend and Jessica getting along so well. Even if most of their common ground were mostly jokes at his expense he was so happy he didn’t even care.

 

When the contract is complete, signatures and all, Jessica informs him they have an appointment for dinner with Colleen and Danny. He senses Foggy’s amusement.

 

“You double date?”

 

“Remember that promise I made about not punching the guy who takes care of Matt? It will be revoked if you keep the comments up.”

 

Foggy raises his hands in surrender. “Alright alright. I have an appointment with Marci anyway which I am late for. Next time maybe we can make it a triple date?”

 

He catches the bookend she throws at Foggy’s head before it can make contact. It might have been safer for Foggy when he was petrified of Jessica…

 

\-----

 

By the time they make it out Foggy’s door his hip is acting up even worse. The walk is slow and he feels guilty for suggesting they keep up their end of the agreement. He might not be a burden to her strength but it couldn’t be fun to drag his sorry ass all the way to Chinatown.

 

“Maybe we should cancel, you still don’t look so great and you’re clearly not walking great either.”

 

“No no. Workouts with Colleen always loosen me back up. Plus Danny really has been looking forward to this new Vietnamese place…”

 

“Ok fine. Then we get a cab. You look like you’re going to either keel over or trip.”

 

By the time they arrive at the dojo Colleen’s morning children’s class is letting out. A dozen or so excited 8 year olds come rushing out to bored parents. Several of them run into him, not understanding the implication of his cane. He feels Jessica roll her eyes as she guides him past the excited shouting and into the stairwell. 

 

Colleen is at the top of the stairs looking spent but she still spares them both a smile. “You can drop the blind act Matt.”

 

“It's not an act today unfortunately. I knocked my hearing out yesterday. It's been a little slow coming back.” Almost as if he intended to prove his point his foot catches on the last step causing him to stumble forward into Jessica’s outstretched arm.

 

“I’ve never seen you trip before. It must be serious.” Colleen replies

 

“Its clearing up but you should probably take it easy on him today.” Jessica answers for him

 

“Hey don’t answer for me.”

 

“Contract Matt.”

 

He grumbles a bit but resigns himself to his fate.

 

“What about a contract?” Colleen throws a quizzical look his way as Jessica maneuvers him past the door frame and into their apartment.

 

“Jessica and Foggy made me sign a contract. There is a clause about not overdoing my physical limitations. Jessica what did you call it?”

 

“Anti-Martyr DareDevil contract.”

 

“Ah” Colleen laughs under her breath “Not a bad idea, can I get one of those for the Immortal Iron Fist?”

 

“Someone say my name?” Danny peers around a pole “Matt your hearings off? Can we still spar today?”

 

“Here comes Iron Clad, eavesdropping as usual.” Danny blushes then tosses a billy club in Matt’s direction. He listens but can’t track it until it nearly hits him and Jessica’s arm shoots up to grab it “Easy Iron Head, the super senses aren’t so super today.”

 

Matt scoffs “It’s not that bad Jess, I’m fine.”

 

Even through diminished hearing he can tell she rolled her eyes at him before falling onto the couch next to Colleen, tossing the billy club back to Danny “Alright devil boy. Go for it if you’re so ‘fine’.”

 

“Matt you start with the attacks we worked on last week.” Colleen orders, pulling a book of positions out from under a table where she keeps track of their progress

 

He throws a punch that he can tell by Danny’ reaction is way off mark, but that doesn’t encourage Danny to back down. They warm up lightly while Matt focuses on compensating with his other senses. He lands a few well placed hits then they settle into their normal fast paced sparing. Colleen shouts out direction occasionally but they both have developed a rhythm at this point that does not require her direction as much as when they first started.

 

“Alright, I am calling it. Great job both of you. I didn’t even have to get in the middle this time. But I am hungry and Jessica drank our only bottle of whiskey.” Colleen shouts out as they wind down

 

Danny smiles “Alright, alright. Can you make reservations while Matt and I shower?”

 

“That’s what you two are into? Kinky.” Jessica retorts

 

“SEPARATELY!” Danny shouts behind him as he slips into the bathroom.

 

Matt topples on to the couch next to Jessica while Colleen calls the restaurant “That was great” He says with a grin and leans in to kiss her

 

She pulls away after a minute “Feeling better now?”

 

“Oh yes.”

 

An hour later they are strolling into the new restaurant. The building is full of strong smells he can’t recognize, vietnamese food will definitely be a first for him. The hostess leads them to a corner in the back and hands out 4 laminated menus. As Jessica directs him into the selected booth he feels her glower at the hostess until she groans.

 

“We don’t have braille menus but I can read it to you.” She sounds young, must be a teenager

 

“No need thank you.” Danny and Colleen share a look as she stalks off

 

“If you’re expecting any of us to read this to you you’re out of luck. I don’t even know what any of these entrees are much less how to pronounce them…” Colleen says

 

“Well then we’re all in the same boat” Matt laughs. “Danny you usually order for the group anyway, I’m fine with whatever.” Colleen and Danny start googling the menu to find out what exactly the entrees are while he leans into Jessica

 

“My hearings still off so I can’t tell, but is this ok? Are you ok? I know chinese is a no go but-”

 

“Don’t worry about me Matt. I don’t even know what this shit is, it will be fine.”

 

He sends a signature smirk her way while Colleen and Danny announce they have decided what everyone is eating and Jessica responds with their drink orders. The night goes on with nothing remarkable ruining it for them other than one particularly awful soup dish that was only edible to Danny. While the table laughs at some ridiculous comment Danny made he relaxes into the feeling of contentment that only comes from a day spent in good company with the help of a little whiskey.

  
  
  


\------


	8. Chapter 8

\------

  
  


It continues for weeks, this easy routine they have. He takes care of his clients during the day, sometimes referring the ones he can’t help to her. She goes to her office to check on her own clients. They meet for dinner on rooftops during their patrols. When she gets back to the apartment if he is not already in bed she lays on the couch listening to the Iron Fist and DareDevil’s escapades on the police scanner, sometimes joined by Luke Cage.

 

Every now and then she joins them. Occasionally. Colleen even jumps in on the crazy nights. They get vietnamese afterward. It’s all very domestic, at least by their standards.

 

Everything changes on one of those crazy nights when all five of them are needed. Of course it’s a case Claire recommended. As much as Matt prefers to avoid her, Luke is a good friend and teammate, so she is around more often than not. 

 

Claire ran into a kid doped up on heroin and got Misty to interrogate him into giving away his dealer and their supplier. Luke brought the case to Jessica to track down the details then Matt and Danny made the plan of attack. They really do make a good team.

 

As planned she’s standing on the rooftop with Colleen. Danny and Matt are on the building across from her while Luke is walking straight up to the dock the kid had told them about as a distraction. They’re waiting for their cue from Matt. When he lowers his hand they are to jump down the 12 stories, Colleen holding onto her, to take on the groups in the cargo containers. Matt and Danny will repel down onto the ship itself to take on a seperate group.

 

But Matt isn’t lowering his hand, both he and Danny are jumping up and down, waving at them.

 

“What’s Matt doing, that’s not the sign is it?” Colleen says, caution filling her voice.

 

“I can’t tell-” She is cut off by a hit to back of the head from a bat. Even while woozy she can see the bat being raised again, this time aimed for Colleen. Making a loud noise to ensure the rest of the team knows there’s trouble she whips her body around to block the baseball bat from colliding with Colleen’s skull.

 

It hits her straight in the ribs, her body crumples to the ground in a heap on her right side. She feels the air come out of her chest, hears her heart pounding in her ears. Her mouth is open wide, gasping hopelessly for breath, when she tastes the gasoline. Her vision blurs, she’s fighting with all she has but she slips under the fog of unconsciousness.

  
  


\------

  
  


Matt’s voice pulls her out of the deep fog. How long did she sink into it? She’s suddenly struggling to catch her breath again, something dry and heavy in her mouth. Sand? No no, soot. There is soot in her mouth.

 

“Jess, stay with me.”

 

Something is hitting her. And she’s hot, so hot. “Colleen?” she coughs out.

 

“I’m fine, you blocked the hit I’m fine.” Colleen’s voice is coming from behind her head in between the blows to her left side, why is Colleen hitting her?

 

Air flows into her chest, her eyes clear once the oxygen hits her bloodstream. Matt is standing over her, she’s no longer on their rooftop, someone moved her to Matt’s rooftop. She takes stock of her body, her head is pounding, hair coated in blood. Its flowing into her eyes, head wounds are a bitch. The baseball bat wrecked the entire right side of her rib cage. Her right arm was hanging loosely, at an odd angle. She feels a knife at her left side, Matt is cutting off her clothes.

 

“Not here.” She tries to push his hands away, just to have Luke hold her arms down. She feels the familiar panicky feeling rise in her chest at the restraint, her body starts to flail weakly against his hold.

 

“Jess, Jess, look at me. You need to hold still.” Matt cups her face giving her his best serious glare

 

Look at a blind man. He could be so weird sometimes.

 

“JESS. Stop moving. You’re on fire.”

 

That’s why it was so hot. The blackness consumes her again.

 

\------

 

“We have to get out of here!” Colleen screams “We’re sitting ducks up here!”

 

The heat that was searing his face has gone out, the smell of burnt flesh is all that remains. It lingers in nose, no matter how hard he breathes out he can’t clear the stench. He focuses on Colleen’s words. They have to move. He has to get her to safety. She has stopped fighting his grasp, her body is so heavy in his arms when he tries to stand his legs waver, bringing him to his knees. Luke pulls her from his arms, they fall limp at his sides unable to protest. He feels hands on his shoulders. A numbness creeps over him, consuming him entirely. 

 

“Matt we gotta go, Luke has Jessica. Follow him. Quick. I’ll take up the rear with Trish and Colleen.” Danny’s voice comes from behind him. He finds the ability to nod his head in agreement.

 

Danny pulls him to his feet and pushes him in the right direction. He catches the scent of Luke, it brings his focus back to his surroundings. He is descending down the stairs, Matt lunges forward to keep up. Jessica’s heart is sluggish, her breathing weak. He can hear the creaking of broken ribs on every breath, the grinding of bone on bone. The sound is gross and knowing it is coming from Jessica turns his stomach, he knows how much that sound hurts. Luke has her clutched tightly to his chest. His brain starts moving faster, she needs help. He feels for his cell phone in his pocket, snapping it open and pressing the familiar speed dial.

 

“Claire, Jessica needs you. Meet us at my apartment it is closest to the docks.”

 

He snaps it shut before she can get a word out. He forces himself to cast his own resentments aside, he just needs Jessica to be ok.

 

He opens the door to his apartment from the roof for Luke not even remembering how they got there. He tears down the stairs to clear the couch for her. Luke lays her down gently as a knock comes at the front door. 

 

“I’ll get it.” Luke replies, walking over to the door

 

His legs collapse beneath him, causing him to fall to his knees. Crawling over to the couch as soon as he reaches her he lets his hands wander her body. It’s worse than he originally thought. Her left side from shoulder to knee is scalded. The flesh is slothing off in his hands. Her whole face is covered in blood from a head injury. His heart is in his throat as his hands palpate her ribs. At least four in the right side are outright broken, it sounds like her entire right lung is collapsed. As he feels around she starts violently coughing, blooding spitting out of her mouth.

 

He is distracted by his exam of Jessica when Claire comes up behind him with a hand on his shoulder, bringing him back to the present. He didn’t even notice Colleen, Danny, and Trish were already in the kitchen prepping medical equipment. The smell of rubbing alcohol fills the room. He lets himself get lost in the normally nauseating scent. Anything is better than her charred flesh in his nose.

 

He can feel a rage building inside him. His whole body is shaking from it. His lungs feel like they are on fire. His muscles itch to punch, kick, take down every last person who was responsible for this. 

 

“Matt I need to check her right side, can you let me closer?” Her voice is so soft, the familiar tone of authority completely missing.

 

“I think her lung has collapsed.”

 

“I do too, don’t go too far I’ll need that hearing of your’s. Can you move to her head for me?”

 

He nods rapidly, scrambling to his feet to kneel above her head. He lets his hands comb through her hair, to reassure her or himself he is not really sure.

 

Claire gets right to work listening to her chest. He listens and hears the familiar movements he associates with her grimace. 

 

“You’re right Matt, her right lung has collapsed. I need to let the pressure out of her rib cage. Colleen do you have the needles ready?”

 

“Here.” Colleen brings a tray of metal medical equipment, the clanging of the needles coming closer.

 

Claire grabs a bottle of alcohol and pours it on the right side of her chest, carefully avoiding the burns on the left. She takes a long, thin needle then fingers her ribs, counting under her breath until she finds the spot she is looking for. He hears the rise of the needle before it punctures the skin, deep into her rib cage. With a pop the sound of pressure release whistles out of the needle, while her lung sucks in oxygen. He lets out his own breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

 

“It worked?”

 

He nods his head “Yeah, thank you Claire.”

 

She nods before moving on “I count four very broken ribs am I missing any?”

 

“I only hear four.” He can tell she is trying to keep his focus on Jessica, only asking questions she already knows the answer to. Normally he would be annoyed by the idea of her talking down to him but he doesn’t have the energy to fight it tonight. He can feel his anger ebb slightly, her plan is working apparently.

 

“Good.” She leans to peel the clothes off her left side, taking with it quite a bit of skin.

 

The scream that elicits causes a knot to form in his chest. Suddenly she’s fully awake, swinging at them with full strength. He presses his hands into her shoulders, cringing as she screams out from the pain he causes. Luke comes around to lend his own super strength on her legs, but even that isn’t enough. He had no idea she was stronger than Luke. She’s fighting him at her shoulders to sit up, Luke grabs her legs again but she easily kicks him off.

 

“Claire we can’t hold her, do you have anything?” Luke yells while dodging her punches

 

“Yeah, don’t know if it’ll work though.” She starts preparing a syringe of medication that smells strongly of alcohol. His stomach turns.

 

“All of you, hold her leg still.” Danny leaps over the couch in a fluid movement to help. She plunges the needle into the meat of muscle in her thigh. Almost instantaneously Jessica goes limp.

 

“Wha-what was that?” He hates that his voice shakes badly enough to stutter

 

“Sedative. Five times the dosage I would give a regular person. Hopefully that knocks out the pain for the worst of this.”

 

Nodding in an uncharacteristically jerky fashion his hands resume methodical carding through her thick hair. Her heart is steady and slow now, no longer fighting the pain.

 

“Ok this arm needs to be splinted. The burns aren’t as bad as they smell Matt, I can see your face. You can go while I dress them, I think I found all her injuries now. She heals quickly I am not worried about them.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere.” He snarls

 

“If I want to vomit from the smell it must be killing you Saint Matthew. Go on, I’ll take good care of her.” She uses her softest voice on him

 

“I said I’m not going anywhere.” He feels the voice of the devil raise in his throat

 

She gives him a hard glare. “Ok.”

 

He expands his focus off Jessica, if he doesn’t he will lose it right there. Danny blushes as Claire cuts down the rest of Jessica’s remaining clothing. Colleen passes tea around for each of them, Trish can’t stop pacing in the corner. Luke is close by, watching Claire work.

 

“Alright definitely not as bad as it smelled. The jacket protected a lot of it. I am just going to wrap them and see what they look like in a few hours. She is a fast healer, I am hoping her skin can bounce back quickly. I am assuming she does not normally need antibiotics?”

 

He shakes his head sharply. He lets his hand glide over the top of the skin, he can feel the heat escaping. Her body is starting to shiver. Claire starts wrapping quickly, cleaning with water as she goes. When she has finished she starts cleaning the soot and blood from the rest of her body with a soapy cloth before resetting then splinting the arm. He feels grateful the sedative actually worked, he doesn’t want her feeling any of this pain. She’s had more than her fair share.

 

“Ok Matt. She’s stable. I am going to leave the needle in for the night to relieve the pressure in her chest, I’ll remove it tomorrow then wrap her ribs. How’s her heart?”

 

“Steady, still lagging from the sedative.”

 

“Good, hopefully that’ll last her the night for the pain. Can you get her to the bed?”

 

He nods and shifts to lift her off the couch, Claire following silently behind him. Her body is dead weight in his arms as he moves to the bedroom, slipping her into the silk sheets and laying a heavy blanket over her. He pulls back one last time to check on her. Heart rate steady. Breathing sounds much better. She has stopped shivering under the blanket, for extra measure he tucks the blanket in around her. Finally he places his hand over her face. It is relaxed, no contortions of pain or stress. He lets out a deep breath he didn’t realize he was holding before leaning his chest back away from the mattress, shifting his weight onto the balls of his feet.

 

Now that she was stable his head starts to reel again. The suit feels like it weighs 1000 tons. All he can smell as he breathes in is the smell of Jessica’s blood and burnt skin on him. Not her sweet, often whiskey infused, scent but the coppery smell of thick, dangerous blood has drenched his suit and skin. The smell of charred flesh raises over the scent of blood causing him to dry heave. He starts clawing at the suit, desperate to be out of it. To be away from that tell tale smell of impending doom. His breathing picks up rapidly, causing the scent to intensify in his nostrils. It doesn’t smell like her. It just smells like his inability to protect her. Jessica shouldn’t smell like death and pain.

 

Claire comes up slowly and grabs his hands “Matt, she is going to be ok. Let’s get you out of this suit.”

 

“Please Claire, please. I can’t- it smells like-”

 

“I know Matt. I know. C’mon I will help you.”

 

He stills in her arms while she unzips the suit “How’d you know how to get it off?”

 

Her lips pick up in a small smile “If you have forgotten I have gotten you out of this unconscious before. Having you able to help me is quite the treat.”

 

In record time she has him out of the suit, shoving him forward for a quick shower and then into his skin tight black clothes of old that he often slept in now that they were retired. She bundles up his suit and Jessica’s scraps into a tight plastic bag, making sure the seal was airtight.

 

“Thank you Claire.”

 

She just nods to him, slipping out of the bedroom to give him space. Creeping up to the bed on his knees he grabs roughly at her hand. Breathing in deep he discovers she no longer smells like blood and charred flesh thanks to Claire’s cleaning. She finally smells like Jessica. He lets out a deep breath, placing a kiss on her forehead then slipping silently out of the bedroom.

 

“Matt I’m so sorry.” Colleen’s voice sounds wary and thick

 

“No need to apologize Colleen. You were both ambushed. It is no one’s fault.” She hands him a cup of tea that smells strongly of Jameson, he nods his thanks. He is exhausted, letting himself to fall into the couch next to Claire. She is sitting with her head in her hands. 

 

He rests his hand on her back, gently rubbing her spine “Thank you Claire.”

 

She looks up at him and nods. An understanding passing between them. She knew how close he was to losing it before, he is glad she directed him out of it. He rubs his eyes and leans his head back on the couch.

 

“Trish, what were you doing there tonight?” He knows he is technically asking the ceiling but he doesn’t have the energy to keep his typical sighted people body language pretenses up. 

 

“I was still tracking that sex trafficking group, I found out it had links to your drug ring. I’ve been tracking both for weeks and I discovered all of this is to raise funding for someone to get out of prison.” She trails off awkwardly and Matt’s head snaps up. His stomach sinks again.

 

Claire looks over “Who?”

 

“Well Karen was the one that got me on the trail it’s uh… Wilson Fisk. He’s raising the funds to buy his way out of prison.”

 

His world on fire is burning white hot, engulfed in a rage he cannot bury. He can hear the others talking but his brain can’t quite interpret it.

 

“Matt don’t-”

 

He is on the roof before Claire can get the words out, tearing into the night on a mission.

 

\------


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Terribly sorry for the late update! I have been traveling a lot for work not leaving much time for editing. Here's the next chapter and hopefully I will be home enough to post more frequently soon!!

\----------

 

Blood and fire is all she can see. She is running, pumping her legs until they burn as hot as the fire around her. The fire roars up, soaring over the building across from her, consuming all in its wake. Matt’s scream is piercing. She collapses her knees, slamming her hands over her ears to keep the piercing noise away. She is too late. She hears Danny shout her name, Colleen yelling in the background. Luke and Claire next. All screaming her name as they are consumed by the fire. Screaming for her to protect them. Their voices come in waves over her.

 

“JESSICA we need you-” Luke’s deep voice says

 

“Come on Jess-” Colleen’s voice barely above a whisper

 

“Listen to me Jessica!” Claire’s voice comes out in a command

 

“Jessica. JESSICA.” Danny’s soft voice is the last she can hear before her vision fades out. 

 

Fading back in a clear vision of Trish comes into view. She is running, leaping into the fire. That can't be right, she could never survive running into a fire. She has to stop Trish before the building consumes her. Her mouth opens to give out a silent scream. She tries again, and again nothing comes out. The next thing she knows the taste of blood and ash overwhelm her. Gasping for the cool air she needs she only tastes the thick soot coating his airways. Panic consumes her as she fights for the relief of clean air. She tries to get up but her body won’t respond to her commands. There’s no feeling of pain. Over and over again she watches from afar as a fire consumes each of the people she cares about.

 

 

\-----

 

The chime of Matt's accessibility clock chimes in between the ear splitting screams.

 

"Matt."

 

_Chime_

 

"Trish"

 

_Chime_

 

 _"_ Colleen"

 

_Chime_

 

Colleen sits with her head in her hands, a steaming cup of tea in front of her. The screaming is too much, it had been going on for hours. When her own name had slipped out of Jessica's lips Claire had finally shooed her out of the bedroom for a break while she and Luke wrestled Jessica to stay in the bed. It didn't help much, Jessica's screaming reverberates into Matt's living room, piercing her ears with the pang of guilt. 

 

"You should eat!" Danny calls from the kitchen, a note of worry in his tone.

 

Her forefingers run circles in her temple while she pushes the guilt down her throat. She feels her forehead wrinkle when she answers "I'm fine."

 

"You're clearly not."

 

"Go back in and help calm Jess down. Maybe your chi can help or something."

 

His eyes soften while he dries his hand with a towel. "Colleen-"

 

"I said I am fine. Go." She forces every last bit of energy into creating a forceful glare in Danny's direction.

 

He keeps his eyes on her as he walks slowly into the bedroom to offer his assistance until the door closes behind him. The thin sliding door does little to stifle the screams for Matt and Trish. When her name is uttered again it shatters what is left of her resolve. This woman sacrifices herself then is tormented with nightmares that she was too late. Colleen breaks down and lets silent tears fall down her face, wallowing in the temporary solitude afforded to her.

 

 

\----

 

When she wakes she is lying in his bed, surrounded by the feeling of silk all around her. Her clothes are gone, but she is covered in something else. Bandages? Her mouth is still dry with the taste of soot. Her mind feels fuzzy, she can’t quite ground herself as it spins. As she tries a sharp pain shoots through multiple points of her body.

 

Turning her head to the right she sees Colleen sitting in a chair staring at her.

 

“What happened?” Her voice comes out as a croak

 

“We got ambushed from behind. They hit you first on the head, then when they tried to hit me you body blocked me. There were 10 of them, I was fighting a few but I was outnumbered.” She says this like it’s a disgrace, fighting off 10 men alone and doing anything but succeeding “A few of them dosed the entire building in gasoline. They must’ve heard about our plan. Before they lit the fire they tossed gas on you too. I grabbed you but by the time we could- get rescued... You were already on fire.”

 

She rips the soft blankets off her body. Her left shoulder down to her left knee is bandaged. Peeling back the bandage her skin looks like it has been sunburnt, but intact.

 

“Thank god, yesterday your skin looked a lot worse. Though I think your jacket saved you from the worst of it.”

 

She tries to prop herself up one one elbow only to feel the excruciating pain of broken ribs and a still healing arm. She winces as Colleen darts across the room, pushing her back into the pillows.

 

“You don’t heal that fast and you know it.” She pauses, her face somber “Thanks, for taking the hit. I know it was meant for me.”

 

“Don’t worry about it, a hit that strong to your head would’ve killed you, I’ll heal in a few days.” She stops, appreciating Colleen for not wanting to talk about feelings. Somehow the two of them click. “Where is Matt?” Colleen gives her a pointed look “Off doing something stupid?” A nod is all she gives.

 

Colleen starts off on an explanation but her voice is not enough to clear the fog creeping over her eyes.

 

\------

 

It's been hours and he is no closer to finding Fisk than he was when he stormed out of his apartment. In his haze of anger he barely registered that Trish followed him navigating agily through the rooftops. She followed him all night, giving him backup which he repaid by pulling her out when she couldn’t acknowledge she was in over her head. If he was being fair she did pull him back a few times when the rage totally consumed him, but that happened far more times on her end than his.

 

They land on his roof simultaneously, panting hard. With shaking hands he fumbles his keys until the lock clicks open. He stumbles down the staircase into Claire’s outstretched arms while Trish is much more graceful about her entrance.

 

“Where the hell have you two been?”

 

“Tracking down Fisk.” Trish replies

 

“And how did that go?” She replies, sarcasm thick in her voice. Trish’s forehead is bleeding enough to cloud her vision and he took several lucky shots this evening. They must be a gruesome sight

 

Trish replies while he catches his breath “We didn’t catch him. We decided to come back here for a bit to regroup then head down to-”

 

“No.”

 

“No?” He raises his eyebrows in a challenge

 

“No. You are going nowhere. Your girlfriend and your sister” She jobs her fingers in each of their respective directions “Has been fighting us for hours. She is in pain and the sedative is giving her nightmares about the two of you dying. Doesn’t exactly help that neither of you are here. We are trying but we cannot handle this shit alone. You are both staying this time.”

 

Trish stops pacing in the corner, her heartbeat faltering slightly while her breathing stops entirely. Guilt. Well he could relate. The familiar pit in his stomach reserved specifically for Jessica makes itself known.

 

“Really?” Trish says, barely a whisper

 

“Really. She needs both of you.”

 

Colleen steps out of the bedroom quietly while Luke comes through the front door. Claire shoves an ice pack on his throbbing head while tossing another at Trish who catches it effortlessly.

 

“Where’s Danny?”

 

“He’s been out looking for you, I texted him to come back.” Colleen replies while dropping into the chair across from him “She’s really out of it in there. I tried to calm her down but it’s not exactly working.”

 

He lets out a low hiss. A fear is building inside him that is all consuming. Don’t they understand he is trying to protect them? Fisk is his responsibility. He needs to be out there before he hurts anyone else. He never should have told people he survived. Jessica was hurt because of him. He couldn’t let this happen again. What if Fisk got to Foggy or Karen? They couldn’t protect themselves the way Jessica could and look what happened to her. He never should have exposed them all to this risk. He lets his ears wander around the room. Trish, Claire, Colleen, Luke, Danny landing on the roof. They are all at risk because of him. The fear is snowballing into rage too quickly. Rage at Fisk. Rage at what happened to Jessica. Rage at what could happen to everyone else in his life. Rage at himself.

 

“Matt I can see you spiraling. Knock that shit off.” Claire calls from the kitchen

 

“I am not spiraling. I am planning. I think you all should lay low for a while so I can-”

 

“Nope man not happening.” Danny cuts in with before plopping crossing legged on the floor in front of Colleen’s feet like a cat.

 

“I can’t let any of you get hurt fighting my battle.”

 

“We won’t get hurt if we work together” Luke chimes in with

 

“We were working together and look what happened to Jessica!” He hisses again

 

“Let us help Matt. We can make a plan we can-”

 

“Oh and that worked so well last time.” Trish says while walking back into the living area

 

He feels the fire catch inside him again

  
  


\-----

 

Jerking awake she realizes she had been dreaming. Her brain feels foggy, like a haze is preventing her from being fully present. She can’t seem to find an anchor in the fog to bring herself back to reality. She knows she has woken up a few times before but she can’t seem to hold onto the memories. When she wakes this time more fully she hears shouting coming from the living room. Clinging to the voices allows her to evade unconsciousness. The voices are familiar but she can’t seem to place them until Matt’s voice raises above the others.

 

“I don’t care, I am not letting anyone else get in the way!”

 

“Matt you cannot shut everyone out. Let us help.” Luke’s voice chimes in

 

She sits up cautiously, holding her chest. Instead of the expected pain she has to fight through a haze of numbness, as though she is battling to keep her body connected to her mind. Testing the waters she gets up to change and try to stop whatever the fight is about when Matt comes bursting in. He stands in the doorway, light from the living room illuminating his form. The bedroom door hinges creek with the force that he threw them open with.

 

“Do not even think about it- lie back down.” The voice of the devil comes out of him with a snap. She takes a good look at him for injuries, noticing he is wearing his black sleep clothes. He has a cut above his eye. There’s a lot of bruising along his jaw, his knuckles look like hamburger meat. His stance looks a little lopsided, like he had been limping.

 

“What makes you the boss of me?”

 

“The fact you have four broken ribs, broken not bruised. And a very broken arm. Oh, and the fact you were set on fire. Lie. Down.” The venom in his voice intensifies. She knew he had a temper but seeing it directed at her was a totally different story.

 

“Murdock calm down, you know I’ll heal.”

 

“Not fast enough.”

 

They are at a standoff. He is clearly enraged, she can see him shaking with fury. Slowly, she lowers herself back down.

 

“Why don’t you get rid of our company so we can talk- how long have I been out?” Her head drops to her chest, as if her neck doesn’t have the strength to keep it up.

 

“They’re staying. I have to- take care of some things. They’re going to watch out for you” His head cocks to the side, the way he does when he is listening to something far away

 

She snaps her head up “Hell no. You are going no where” He rounds on her, rage coming in her direction, but she stays firm. “Saint Matthew is not going to go out there to martyr himself again. We just spoke about this last month remember?” She gives him her best serious look despite the fog that threatens to overwhelm her. Did they give her narcotics? What was this?

 

“They hurt you. They set you on FIRE. I have to stop them. Fisk is MY responsibility. Not their’s.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Fisk was behind the whole thing. You got hurt because of him. Its my fault. He is my responsibility I cannot let anyone else get hurt because of me.” He paces back and forth, body tense with anger radiating off him

 

“Listen to me Murdock. This is not your fault. Do you hear me?”

 

“It is my fault. I didn’t stop him. I have to stop him!” He throws the mask in his hand to the ground, raising his hands to the sides of his head to take large gulps of air

 

“Who will stop them if you’re dead? What are you even going to do? Storm in hotheaded and just punch shit?”

 

“For now that’s the plan.”

 

“That is not a plan! I am going to throw your own words back at you-again. You are not expendable. This does not have to fall all on your shoulders. Remember the contract Matt?”

 

“Like how it fell on your shoulders? I had to witness you jump in front of Colleen!”

 

“Murdock.” She shakes her head clear of the fog “Colleen would have died from a blow like that, I will heal in a matter of days. I made a calculated sacrifice.”

 

“That’s what I am trying to do!” He screams with a renewed vigor

 

“No you’re rushing into a situation you have not fully researched with no plan because you are angry. Look at you, what have you been doing while I’ve been out?! That shit will get you killed. Again. People rely on you not to die. I rely on you Murdock. Please Matt. I cannot lose you.”

 

“Jess. I need to.” His body deflates, he saunters forward and sits next to her on the bed. He leans his head against her forehead, taking her hands in his and breathing out deeply. “You know I need to.”

 

“I know, but let’s do it the smart way. With help and a plan.” She sighs into him, exhaustion over taking her. “Please Matt. I love you.”

 

She feels his body soften at her admission. Had she ever said that out loud before? His arm wraps around her, letting her lean fully into his body. “I love you too. Go to sleep, you’re exhausted and hurting.”

 

“If I wake up and you’re gone I’ll kick your ass so hard-”

 

“I know, I’ll see.” He laughs softly, his whole demeanor more relaxed now “Lay down. I’ll be back once I explain to the others there will be no martyring tonight.” His lips graze her forehead

 

“You won’t leave?” Her voice is so vulnerable it makes the small rational part of her sick.

 

He bends his head and kisses her deeply, pulling her slightly out of her fog. “I’m not going anywhere. Lay back.” His hand applies a gentle pressure on her good shoulder. She relaxes back into the sheets while he raises the blankets over her.

 

He gets up and walks back to the living room. She hears him talk in hushed voices to the others before the door opens and closes behind them. When he returns he is taking off his night clothes to slip into the shower. Her vision blurs and suddenly he is in the bed with her, wrapping her in that silk down blanket he loves so much. Breathing deeply she inhales the soft scent of her lavender body soap, the familiar scent calming her. When he presses his forehead against her own she feels stitches. She pulls back from his face and lets her fingertips graze them gently.

 

“Claire?”

 

“Yeah. She stayed to keep an eye on you while I took care of things.”

 

“What were you taking care of?”

 

He starts his story as her world turns again. Matt’s voice is drowned out by the voice of _him._ She flinches as _he_ comes out of the fog and grabs her wrist. No matter how much she fights through the fog she feels like she is on a different plane than Matt is and she can’t fight her way back to him.

 

“Jess? Jess?” His voice breaks through to her, his hands running through her hair

 

“Mhhh”

 

“You with me?

 

She is spinning fast but his words bring her back to reality briefly. Killgrave was dead. This was a hallucination. Why though? They had to have given her something

 

“What did you give me?”

 

“Claire had to give you a sedative, you were fighting us pretty hard. Even Luke wasn’t strong enough to hold you down. I’m surprised it’s still working, it’s almost like someone is holding my girlfriend hostage and left me with this nice obliging person.”

 

She scoffs at that “That’s not your type and you know it Murdock.”

 

He laughs deep in his chest causing her heart to flutter at the sound. “Oh don’t I ever. Your metabolism must be too focused on healing the burns to clear the sedative. How do they feel?” He wraps himself in the blanket and pulls her close, careful of her ribs. His hand ghosts over the bandages, sensing for whatever it is he can pick up beneath them.

 

“Don’t you already know?” She replies while burying her face in his neck, reveling in the feel of his skin on her own.

 

A half smile creeps up his face “I was trying to be courteous. Your skin is too cold, the heat is escaping through the damaged skin. It feels like its on its way to healing though. Come here” He pulls her flush against him and starts rubbing his hands up and down her spine. His warmth seeps into her slowly causing her to tremble slightly from the sensation.

 

“Mmmmggggh.” That wasn’t even a word.

 

He laughs at her “Go to sleep, we can talk in the morning.”

 

As if on command her vision field narrows as the blackness consumes her.

 

\------

 

He is pulled out of sleep by her jerky movements against his chest. His arms encircle her tighter while he buries his face in her hair.

 

“Shhhh”

 

Jessica mumbles words incoherently into his chest, face tight in the way he has come to associate with her nightmares. The familiar popping noise of her muscles tensing flows to his ears. He can feel the blood pumping through her veins against his skin. The taste of fear and scent of adrenaline fill the room. A nightmare. Jessica was having a nightmare. Or at least he hopes this reaction is just a nightmare and not from pain. Claire’s sedative seemed to have helped but it also induced some intense nightmares. This was the third time that he woke from her flinching against him, he can’t even imagine how many silent ones she was experiencing.

 

“Matt.” She whispers softly

 

His stomach drops as he is suddenly pulled into consciousness. This is his fault. He caused this and she knows it. He should have protected her. He knew they are about to be ambushed. He should have found a better way to warn her. He could’ve jumped over to her roof in time if he paid better attention. Hell she shouldn’t have been there at all, he was the one that invited her to tag along. She didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve all the pain he has brought her. He didn’t deserve her. He should leave her before he causes her even more pain. He should be alone before he hurts everyone he cares about.

 

“Matt” She whispers again, trembling in his arms

 

“You’re ok. I have you.” He whispers, hoping to coax her out of the nightmare without having to wake her. His hands rub gently up and down her spine. With the full force of his mind he focuses on the feeling of her vertebrae under his fingertips, distracting himself from the knowledge she is in pain because he failed her.

 

She gasps awake despite his attempts to soothe her gently.

 

“Matt” she breathes

 

“I’m here. I have you.” He whispers back

 

“You didn’t go back out. You stayed. It was a dream.”

 

His heart breaks a little, he didn’t anticipate her fear of his recklessness would be the plot of her latest nightmare. An overwhelming sense of relief comes over him that he stayed with her tonight. She shouldn’t have to face the nightmares he caused alone.

 

“No I’m here. I’m staying here with you. It was just a nightmare.”

 

She nods jerkily nuzzling back into his chest. Her body is still quivering slightly, he holds her tighter. He listens as her heart slows back to the sleepy rhythm he knows so well. His mind keeps spinning, faster and faster. He feels torn in a million directions. He spent hours trying to track down Fisk to no avail. He should be out there doing something about it. He took his anger out on several low life criminals he came across by the docks. He should be checking in with Mahoney that they were picked up. The rest of them are trying to take down the sex trafficking and drug rings. He should be helping them. Trish is out there being insanely reckless, blowing off steam in a worse way than he did. He should be taking care of her for Jessica. And Jessica. She needs him there.

 

Under his breath he mutters a quick prayer that he made the right decision staying with her tonight. As he does he senses Jessica’s muscles amping up again, responding to yet another nightmare.

 

That was the clearest validation from God he had ever received.

 

\-------


End file.
